graduation prayer

at baccalaureate the other night, they had us (graduates) repeat the lyrics to this old song as a prayer. i already loved this song, but it means even more to me now, as it will always carry with it that memory from graduation. it's an awesome song; the lyrics pack a powerful message. anyways, it's been on my mind, so i decided to post it: "take my life" (written as performed by chris tomlin)

take my life and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
take my moments and my days,
let them flow in ceaseless praise.
take my hands and let them move
at the impulse of Thy love.
take my feet and let them be
swift and beautiful for Thee.

take my voice and let me sing
always, only for my King.
take my lips and let them be
filled with messages from Thee.
take my silver and my gold
not a mite would i withhold.
take my intellect and use
every power as You choose.

here am i, all of me.
take my life, it's all for Thee.

take my will and make it Thine
it shall be no longer mine.
take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne.
take my love, my Lord i pour
at Your feet its treasure store
take myself and i will be
ever, only, all for Thee.

take myself and i will be
ever, only, all for Thee.

here am i, all of me.
take my life, it's all for Thee.
here am i, all of me.
take my life, it's all for Thee.
here am i, all of me.
take my life, it's all for Thee.

here am i, all of me.
Lord, take my life, it's all for Thee.

take my life and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to Thee...

congratulations to the graduating class of two thousand and nine.
may this be your constant desire and eternal prayer.

allow me to get on my soapbox please...

there's this newish song out that plays on the radio all the time now. it's called "while i'm waiting" by john waller. i think the intent behind the song -- to continue to strive for growth in your relationship with God no matter where you are -- but that's as far as my feelings toward this song go on the good side.

there is a false attitude in my generation of believers. "i will serve you while i'm waiting. i will worship while i'm waiting..." waiting for what exactly? yeah, you're in church; you're mildly involved, but you're always waiting for something. always looking around, trying to see some sign for where God is "calling" them in ministry or life or whatever. i mean, i'm 22 years old. i have no idea where God is taking me in life. i don't know. and that's a little scary. but it's one thing to not know and be a little scared, and another to follow this trend today of sitting around, half-serving God in church, being technically "involved", but never living to your full potential because you're busy "waiting on the Lord".

that phrase is taken so out of context. that's so not what was meant. the concept, i think, comes from psalm 27:14. but look at its context --

Do not deliver me over to the desire of my adversaries,
For false witnesses have risen against me,
And such as breathe out violence.
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the LORD.
--psalm 27:12-14

in other words, david is saying he's been at points in his life when there was so much despair and suffering, it seemed like God was nowhere in it, like he'd just up and been deserted. yet he has found that, if in these times of darkness he is just patient for long enough, God always reveals himself. wait on the LORD. when if feels like all hope is gone and you're at a point in the tunnel where you feel like you'll never see daylight again, wait on the LORD. He is good. and though at that time it may not feel like it, He is still in control and will reveal Himself to you when the timing is right. His timing is perfect.

david was not saying to sit around and wait for the voice of God to speak to you and tell you some hardcore awesome plan for your future and how exactly to go about doing that. am i knocking those people who preach on sunday or stand up in convo and claim they saw a sign or heard a call as clear as crystal and everything in their lives snapped and BAM! now they've got the whole thing planned in widescreen, hdtv format and they're dead center in God's will? of course not. you may be an exception. God may have something so special planned for you that you need to have some direct signal of where to go. but you should know the rules -- don't bet on the exception. plan as if you're the normality. it won't be a big difference if God has to redirect you a bit. on the other hand, if you plan that you're the exception and you aren't, you'll wind up fifty, settling for second best in your personal pew (complete with your own butt imprint) waiting even still to see where God's going to call you.

people like to compare themselves to samuel. you realize of course that he was very much an exception, right? i mean think about it, he was so not anticipating a direct call from the voice of God that he didn't realize that's what he heard when it happened. and it's not like he was out of touch with God or anything. he worked in the temple -- directly under the high priest. and while eli certainly wasn't the high priest of the millennium, he was in contact with God. and was sammy sitting around on his hind quarters waiting before his call? of course not. he'd chosen a path and was studying under the high priest, living at the temple, doing everything within his power to head in the right direction and learn as much about God as possible.

so even if you wanted to use him as a reference, he's still not a good example. he was more than just a choir member/sunday school teacher waiting on God's direction. he'd chosen a path and was striving to that end with all his might.

look at paul. great man; prime example of leader in the church and what the power of God can do. did you ever see paul waiting on the Lord? of course not. it even sounds ludicrous. what does paul do? he takes action. he makes a plan and goes with it. he headed toward asia, got a no. did God save time and tell him before hand not to go to asia? no. did he sit and wait for someone to tell him where to go? no. he just went. and when God wanted to redirect him, He made it clear. paul chose another path, got a no. chose to go toward rome (in the general direction of macedonia by the way) and what happened? he got the go ahead. the "macedonian call" in fact was less a call by God to stop waiting because paul got his answer then it was the "macedonian thumbs up". paul had gotten so many nos in a row that God rewarded him with a yes. (no doubt he was probably feeling a bit unsure by that point.)

so then what does this mean? my generation is good at waiting. waiting for this; waiting for that; waiting for something big to come along. am i saying it's wrong for us while we're in college or just strait out to be confused and test the water in several directions and look for signs from God as to which direction is the right one? of course not! half my friends are looking for internships or jobs or grad schools and it's fine to be unsure of where exactly we're going after may. i'm still not sure. but i think we should be striving with all our might toward those internships, jobs, and grad schools, doing everything possible to get the go ahead, not sitting idly, willing God to give us the right job when we haven't sent out any resumes. and i don't think we should be looking for big signs from God necessarily. an acceptance letter may be a sign, but a closed door or a rejection call, that's a sign too.

and i think it's stupid to sit and wait for God to direct our path when we haven't chosen one. be like paul. pick a path. pick a career or an internship or a job or a grad school and go with it. if God wants you there don't expect a beaming arrow over the campus and if he doesn't want you there, be willing to adapt. but don't act like you shouldn't move on the off chance that it might be the wrong direction from where God wants you. life's choices aren't always right and wrong. sometimes you get two rights and God lets you choose which way to head. if you're working and following His guidelines (the Bible -- that one's not really just a judgment call), He'll keep you on the path He wants you on. He'll give you a go ahead or a closed door when necessary. but don't expect a voice to tell you the future. if you want that, dial madame serina's 800 number.

find a path. walk it. be flexible. God will lead you if you let Him. but don't just stay at a standstill, going through motions, looking involved, but empty, waiting for some divine intervention in your life.

don't live, all the while just waiting.

closing time: every new beginning starts with some other beginning's end

okay, so here it is; long awaited and overdue -- the list. this is my list of random things i've learned over the last three and a half years at liberty.

• teaching yourself an entire course the week before finals is a bad idea.
• the friends you make here will define who you become. choose wisely.
• don't date your freshman year. ever. just don't.
• life's too short to care what they think: have fun.
• take lots of pictures.
• skipping classes is a luxury only allotted to freshmen. and sometimes not even to them.
• remember that you are paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for an education. NOT to stalk boys in an "up and coming" garage band...that's illegal.
• always make sure your car is in reverse when you're backing up. always.
• never trust the kid playing guitar on the circle. he only actually knows two songs...it's like moths to a flame...
• never mix tests and all-nighters. neither you nor the test come off the better.
• take lots of road trips.
• sneak out after curfew at least once. just don't get caught.
• take pity on the nerds. they may one day return the favor.
• while it may work, flirting to get answers to homework questions is not always wise. a test paper will not take pity on you and fill itself out just because you've batted your eyelashes and dressed nicely...
• wearing heels on ice is not a good idea. do not attempt.
• you may be one of those who thinks all rules are for breaking. you've been misinformed. the only rules worth breaking are the ones with which you'd be making a point by breaking. it's one thing to make a point or minorly and without too much danger experiment with that one night you leave after curfew, but breaking dress code just makes you look stupid and irresponsible. we all know you had to have some form of brain activity to get this far in your education, so stop acting like a freshman. and if you're stupid enough to get caught breaking the rules, take it like a man and do your time. just stop whining about the fact that the strict and conservative CHRISTIAN university you chose to attend has rules. welcome to life. everywhere you'll ever go will have rules. life has rules. and life may not be as forgiving as your dean.
  
• make sure to skip class to play in the snow at least once. just also make sure it's not a day when something's due. or that your teacher doesn't see you leaving the building...
• take your classes seriously. you'll regret it later if you don't.
• on the other hand, make sure you don't take yourself too seriously.
• as the cheesy song says, "don't blink." four years goes by a lot faster than you'd think.

i'm thirsty.

"i'm thirsty, God, i'm thirsty
from drinking what destroys me;
i'm pouring poison in my cup.
i'm hungry, God, i'm hungry,
consuming what controls me;
somehow it never fills me up.

we all want to find something to pass the time,
but that could never be enough.

everybody says we're all so different,
but everybody knows we're all the same.
we're all trying to find a pill to numb the pain;
something's got to change.

do you remember when you
had so much hope within you?
it lingers deep inside you still.
the more of us we swallow,
the more we become hollow
until we don't know how to feel.

we all want to find something to satisfy,
but we could never be enough.

everybody says we're all so different,
but everybody knows we're all the same.
we're all trying to find a pill to numb the pain;
something's got to change.

when everything we say and take just leads to war and hate;
we only pass the blame, sedate the pain, and move along,
but something feels so wrong, so deep inside, so hard to hide,
so desperately we try and try, and come to find that we are not what we've been looking for.

i can't believe i'm hearing people say that all is well;
i think it's time we all admit we have no good within ourselves.
cause we are not okay, we're not alright, and we need to pray for help.
forgive us for our pride, Oh God, Oh God, please save us from ourselves!

cause everybody says we're all so different,
but everybody knows we're all the same.
we're all trying to find a pill to numb the pain;
something's got to change.

so God help us --
something's got to change.
something's got to change.
so God help us,
something's got to change!

so God help us..."

-- josh wilson: something's got to change

perspective...

it's all in perspective, ya know? and i am in a daily struggle to get into the right perspective, no matter what God puts in my life to readjust it...

so everyday, i battle with myself over the true implications of one statement:

He is holy. and i'm unworthy.

Savior i come
quiet my soul
remember
redemption's hill
where Your blood was spilled
for my ransom
everything i once held dear
i count it all as loss

lead me to the cross
where Your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord i lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to You
oh lead me,
lead me to the cross

You were as i
tempted and trialed
human
the Word became Flesh
bore my sin and death
now You're risen
everything i once held dear
i count it all as loss

lead me to the cross
where Your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord i lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to You
oh lead me,
lead me to the cross

to your heart
to your heart
lead me to your heart
lead me to your heart

lead me to the cross
where Your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord i lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to You
oh lead me,
lead me --

lead me to the cross
where Your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord i lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to You
oh lead me,
lead me to the cross.

-- hillsong united: lead me to the cross

is this how it's supposed to be?...

to start off, i'm gonna make two separate posts because two separate events happened today and, while i don't believe the two are unrelated, i do believe the one should not be brought down by the other in the same post. so, in what i'm hoping will be the last post on this for a while in my sad attempts to let go of the burden that's been eating at me for the last three months, i'll post a few sad and desperate verses/prayers for the friend who shall still remain nameless...

at the end of last year i gave you a thank you card that had this verse in it:

"the soul of jonathan was knit to the soul of david, and jonathan loved him as himself."

-- 1 samuel 18:1b

that is no less true today than it was six months ago, which is why this is hurting me so much. i told you our souls were knit together, that i loved you like i love myself. actually, probably more would be a more adequate summation of this, but we won't open that can of worms. but so that you know how much this hurts, i told you then, God knit our souls together and you were probably one of the closest friends i have ever had. so every time you look me in the eyes and lie, every time you knowingly walk deeper into the darkness, every time you blow me off or try to guilt trip me and manipulate me into doing your will or treat me like dirt, every day that goes by that you continue in the lie you've created, it hurts me. physically, emotionally, and spiritually. every time you fall further into this web you've spun without so much as a second guess as to how it might affect everyone around you, you rip just a little bit more at my soul. you twist the knife in my heart. you take just another bit of my being with you. does it not bother you at all? you walk so nonchalantly away from our friendship like it's nothing. has my being become so meaningless to you that i'm just one more person to fill a room until you can find someone better to replace me? does it not bother you that you no longer know any intimate details of my life? that i see you maybe twice outside of class in a week? that we're never alone together without long awkward silences? that i haven't even met him, let alone approve?

because it bothers me. and it bothers me more that it doesn't seem to bother you. i leave in less than a month. and quite frankly i think you couldn't care less.

"even my close friend in whom i trusted,
who ate my bread,
has lifted up his heel against me."

-- Psalm 41:9

"for it is not an enemy who reproaches me,
then i could bear it;
nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me,
then i could hide myself from him.
but it is you, a man my equal,
my companion and my familiar friend;
we who had sweet fellowship together
walked in the house of God in the throng."

-- Psalm 55:12-14

hmmm...

less than one month now...in fact, i'm about 28 days now from my beloved texas...

you know, i was thinking (it's shocking, i know), i was trying to figure out why i seem to go through these spurts wherein i'll be really devoted to writing fairly regularly, and then i'll go for like months with nothing...and i think i've discovered it: i think i like pretending to be profound. no, no, it's true...it's odd, the whole blogging concept. think about it, when we're kids, we hide our diaries. then we become teenagers (i say this because up until recently it was my generation doing the whole blogging thing, it was my generation that started the whole blogging fad, and, even now, most baby boomers don't and the ones that do generally have/had teens that blog... and, by the way, i find it amusing that spell-check is underlining "blog"...) anyways, then we become teenagers and it becomes cool to lay all your feelings out on the internet for everyone to read. guess it goes along with the whole emo thing. plus, it's even worse with girls; it becomes a place online to back-stab other girls and gossip and discuss others' business. stupid girls. i hate girls. have i mentioned that lately? i don't like girls. they annoy me...but alas, i digress. i promised myself this one wouldn't be a rant...

ahem, where was i? oh, yes. blogging. i cannot really bring myself to write on here like a diary. thus, this becomes pretty much one of two things for me. it's a place to vent (as you've seen recently), though i endeavor to leave names and specifics out so that only a select few would ever be able to distinguish my ramblings. and i try to make it clear that i'm not trying to gossip; i'm simply venting. and since i think it's safer in some cases not to vent to one friend about another, it seems this is a fairly legit place to ramble on about what annoys me. OR, this is my place to discuss the sitcom that is my life. nothing particularly personal, just random moments that prove to me on a daily basis that God has a sense of humor, generally in His dealings with me. because my life is a walking opportunity for God to laugh, so why not use that to make others laugh? and as long as i'm laughing too, that means you're laughing with me not at me, right?...

haha, like, okay, today, a friend of mine in one of my classes asked me if i dyed my hair or was naturally blond? hahaha...oh, as if that one wasn't obvious...that one was good. cracked me up. indeed, i'm naturally blond, and i generally prove it on a day-to-day basis...so, indeed, that would be the other reason for this, to share with you the moments in my life that will maybe make you smile, even if it is at my expense.

i think though, maybe even subconsciously, this whole blog thing might be some need to prove we're not insecure. think about it. i know i try to sound more intelligent and profound on here, despite the fact that i know no one really reads this, and the ones who do know me and know i'm not as cool as i like to pretend...on the other hand, i've always believed that i sound much more intelligent in writing than i do in person...this may not be an actual example of that though...

so, what was my purpose in writing this?

i don't actually know that i have one...i might just be avoiding homework...

speaking of homework, it's less than two weeks till thanksgiving break!!! yay! and i'm going home in less than a month now...i'm so excited!!

and, christmas is coming...

charlie brown: isn't there anyone who knows what christmas is all about?

linus: sure, charlie brown, i can tell you what christmas is all about. lights, please. "and there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. and lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. and the angel said unto them, 'fear not: for behold, i bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. for unto you is born this day in the city of david a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. and this shall be a sign unto you; ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' and suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'" that's what christmas is all about, charlie brown.

i should be doing homework

so, apparently christians have forgotten their place. no wonder the world calls us hypocrites. do you know, i attend a fairly conservative (at the moment), evangelical university, and i have personally witnessed some of the worst belly-aching and bad attitudes on this campus by so-called christians i've ever seen. i'm reminded of this early-nineties christian song by twila paris called "God is in control"...(haha, i just heard the tune in my head and it's so nineties it cracks me up...) seriously, i think some people, though they would never put it in these exact terms, are acting like God was sitting up in heaven last night when the election was called going, "what?! wait, what??!! but i thought...no, surely not...huh. wasn't expecting that one...but, i was sure liberty was going to manage to pull in enough mccain votes for the entire country...ok, well...michael! can you bring me that scroll? the one that says "ultimate plan" in big block letters at the top? i'm gonna have to pencil in a few changes..." seriously? God was not surprised. He put obama in power -- that's right, HE put obama in power -- for a reason. His plan has not changed. some people need to take a chill pill, step back, and realize that God is still in control, regardless of whether their political affiliation is. one shouldn't be so arrogant as to assume that their way is the only way and when that doesn't happen the world will somehow implode. and for all the people out there claiming they'll move to another country, go ahead. the democrats won't care. in fact, it would probably just make it easier for them...

there are a few things i do find of interest though. first off, i find it somewhat ironic that fifty years ago, obama would have been prosecuted as a red, not haled as a hero of "change". my how times have changed that people openly welcome socialism and basic communistic principles as some kind of constructive revolution. but then, every generation must learn some lessons for themselves and my generation seems to have yet to learn much of anything. we shall soon see, i suppose. second off, i didn't realize this till a friend pointed it out today: how does a guy get to run in a presidential election when they have yet to prove he is even an american citizen?? yes, that's right, he will not release his birth records. (nor will he release his law practicing records for anything previous his election as senator, which is another equally interesting story -- how does no one find that at all suspicious?? but then, the media, being so enamored by him, doesn't seem to report anything about him that might lead one to suspicions of his trustworthiness, no matter how justified those suspicions may be...) so, it's not like the secret service or the fbi or somebody won't ever be able to get a hold of those. in fact, it is strictly against the constitution that he be allowed to be sworn in without solid proof of his birthplace, which means there's still a strange chance that he might in fact be removed from eligibility and not become president. also, so i noticed that there's a dramatic difference between his live appearance and something his campaign puts out -- they darken his skin color for commercials. that man is almost as pale as i am, and honey, i'm pasty. are ya kidding me? anybody who plays the race card in my book does not deserve respect. and quite frankly, if you voted against OR FOR obama because he is black, you are just as racist as someone burning a cross in a black family's yard. race has nothing to do with it. you vote based on political stance -- race and gender are not part of the equation. finally, the economy does not seem to bode well of this. the day after his election, the stock marked plunges, what does that tell you? well, it certainly doesn't seem to be a good omen...

more importantly though, america needs to get over this split. there's little he could accomplish in the next four years that will absolutely destroy america. and there were several good turn outs in the background of the presidential race. prop 8 was passed in ca, in fact the entire west coast had a pretty close presidential race. they almost had to change oregon and ca over for a bit. it seems at the moment as though the country is split down the middle, and it becomes obama's job to reunite the country. get over it -- you won or lost, now move on. if he does terrible, change congress in two years and it will make more of a difference than anything else.

and now is the time for christians to step up, not lay down. remember that whole constant joy, unconditional love thing? yeah, use it. God puts people in power, not us. He is the one in control, not us. and His will is what's perfect, not ours. so, for some reason unexplainable to christian conservatives, God put obama in power. now render to caesar and serve your ruler. respect the president even if you disagree. you respect the position even when you don't respect the person, and understand that when you don't respect the authority of the presidency, you're not as much disrespecting the president as you are the One who put him there, God. live what you claim you believe and maybe open the bible every once in a while. cause i gotta tell you, i've read the end of the book. this isn't a surprise. and anyone who follows christian history can tell you, christianity only ever really prospers under persecution. it's been a while here in america. maybe God's sending a wake up call...

on a completely separate note: i can't wait for christmas!!

just hear those sleigh bells jingling,
ring ting tingling too
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you
outside the snow is falling
and friends are calling "yoo hoo",
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you.

just hear those sleigh bells jingling,
ring ting tingling too
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you
outside the snow is falling
and friends are calling "yoo hoo",
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you.

giddy yap, giddy yap, giddy yap,
let's go, let's look at the show,
we're riding in a wonderland of snow.
giddy yap, giddy yap, giddy yap,
it's grand, just holding your hand,
we're gliding along with a song
of a wintry fairy land

our cheeks are nice and rosy
and comfy cozy are we
we're snuggled up together
like two birds of a feather would be
let's take that road before us
and sing a chorus or two
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you.

giddy yap, giddy yap, giddy yap,
let's go, let's look at the show,
we're riding in a wonderland of snow.
giddy yap, giddy yap, giddy yap,
it's grand, just holding your hand,
we're gliding along with a song
of a wintry fairy land

just hear those sleigh bells jingling,
ring ting tingling too
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you
outside the snow is falling
and friends are calling "yoo hoo",
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you.

it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you.
oh yeah, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you...

-- relient k: sleigh ride

the irony

so, i'm absolutely disgusted by politics and america and the like at the moment. i'm tired of listening to convo speakers tell me how to vote and people bicker over small, insignificant political agendas that will never really matter that much anyways. this is a rant. i don't wanna hear back about how i should be more bipartisan or understanding or (my personal favorite) "tolerant" of people who will never tolerate my beliefs. if you disagree, go write your own blog, and don't expect me to care or read it. this is my rant, and if you don't like it, click the little back button and go google something else. you've been warned.

i'm so sick of politics. i hate it. none of the so called changes proposed are actually the problem anyway. and for the record, i challenge anyone to give me convincing statistics that will prove that an actual significant percentage of america is EVER persuaded by debates (both formal and lunchroom) or worse convocation speakers! it's ridiculous. no one cares what your opinion is because no one listens to anyone else speak. that is proved merely by those already in power -- on BOTH sides!! don't misunderstand me, i hate hitler and everything he stood/stands for, but i really do think he said it best:

"what good fortune for those in power that people do not think."

it's sooo flipping true. i'll be outright, i'm a mccain supporter (technically), though i'll also admit i disagree with him on a number of things and find him only to be the lesser of two evils. now, i understand that the words politician and liar generally go hand in hand. i know they all lie; this should come as no shock. but obama takes lying to the next level. i mean honestly, i disagree with most of the democratic stance on politics, but at least i can respect the ones who take a firm stand for their liberal beliefs. that's not necessarily a bad thing; you're entitled to your opinion. but i hate lying, particularly constant lying. i'm absolutely disgusted by how wishy-washy obama has been. i simply cannot respect the man. seriously? is the public opinion so important that you say six different things you "unwaveringly believe" to six different crowds, all of which contradict each other?? besides the fact that anyone with half a brain -- that will actually use it -- should know that most of what presidential candidates promise is never actually within their power. you want things to change? change congress. but realize congress rarely agrees long enough and works long enough for things to actually happen. you want environmental changes? that's all congress. you want gun control? that's all congress. you wanna change abortion laws? congress. i love the way dr fowler put it this morning; political elections in america have become nothing more than billion dollar pep rallies and popularity contests. meanwhile there's mass genocide in darfur and mass starvation in india. but we, the elite, sophisticated, educated, power-house of a country sit and debate and philosophize about how to solve these great problems over coffee at the country club, spending more money on the letters that follow our name than we manage to drop in the salvation army donation bucket outside walmart. yes, indeed. we really have risen to become the cream of the crop.

our forefathers would be ashamed.

now, i firmly believe in voting. i believe we see even through scripture that we are to exercise that right, to vote our biblical convictions and pray for the leaders of our country:

"Then He said to them, 'Then render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's; and to God the things that are God's.'"
-- Matthew 22:21

but notice that Christ says caesar, not republican or democrat. and caesar was definitely not in line with jewish beliefs or persuasions. so, then, vote what you're sure to be the right path morally and ethically, and for heaven's sake, pray for the election. but know that above all, it's in God's hands. and stop peddling your beliefs to people who neither care nor are listening...

and remember, despite whoever may win tomorrow, God is still in control -- even if YOU aren't. tomorrow's outcome won't shock God at all.

"Counsel is mine and sound wisdom;
I am understanding, power is mine.
By me kings reign,
And rulers decree justice.
By me princes rule, and nobles,
All who judge rightly."
-- Proverbs 8:14-16

"Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same; for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil. Therefore it is necessary to be in subjection, not only because of wrath, but also for conscience' sake. For because of this you also pay taxes, for rulers are servants of God, devoting themselves to this very thing. Render to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor."
-- Romans 13:1-7

"Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men."
-- 1Peter 2:13-15

less than 40 days...

well, again, it's been a while...probably like a month or something, i didn't check.

it's been a long month. and yet, it seems like the weeks are flying by...it's odd. the leaves have already started to change, the weather's been freakishly cold lately, and tomorrow begins officially the christmas season...and i'm so excited! i love christmas! it's my favorite time of the year...the sounds, the smells, the cheery people (and some not so cheery) christmas shopping, the pretty lights on all the houses, christmas on the mountain with christmas convo and coffeehouse and open dorms, flying home and seeing all the soldiers in the airports on holiday leave...it's just the best! and i can't believe it's so close...it freaks me out. less than forty days and i'll be a college graduate. i can remember how terrified i was the night before i was supposed to leave to drive up here...i couldn't begin to imagine being this close to graduating...and then i blinked. and now it's three and a half years later and i'm just over a month from being done. and yet...

it seems like an eternity. not to graduation, that's close. from the beginning of the semester. i knew coming into it, this would be my hardest semester, academically speaking. i didn't figure i'd be that homesick, since i knew this would be the end. and i knew it would be hard to say goodbye to my friends. and that will be hard. but i wasn't anticipating the strain this semester would put on me from home. that was a low blow.

it's funny how sometimes you have this one defining moment in time that everything else just revolves around. it's like time just stops, and, from that moment on, you just know -- nothing will be the same again. it may go back to "normal", but that moment has become this defining moment for your life, something you'll judge everything that happens against. and sometimes those defining moments are good: graduating high school, turning sixteen, your first real job, etc. but it seems our lives are best defined by those moments that challenge us. not those wherein we've reached a mountain top, but instead those wherein we are forced, not to look down at ourselves, but instead up to our Rescue. it seems most defining moments revolve around some kind of rock bottom, a helplessness that demands nothing less than every bit of our surrender to the only One Who's arm is long enough to reach down into the whole we've fallen into and strong enough to pull us out.

it seems i've had my share of these moments. don't misunderstand me; i am by no means in a bad place, particularly not one i've created myself. i am blessed beyond measure. but my semester has been redefined by this moment God put into my life, a moment that begged nothing less than my absolute and total submission to God's will. and time stopped. and things will eventually go back to normal, but i doubt it will ever be the same. and that is what my semester has been defined by. my walk with God, my grades in class, my focus, my time with friends, my activities, my every moment; it has all been defined by this single point in time when my world collapsed around me and i was forced to face some of my worst fears and let go.

letting go. that's been a huge one this semester. transparency is hard for me, but if i'm going to be honest, that is one of the bigger lessons God has been teaching me these last few months -- He is bigger than and far more important than any earthly belonging i have or had or ever will have. and it scares me. and i don't really like dealing with it. in fact, it still causes me a slight pang, even to write. i lost pretty much everything. like, most all of my belongings. pretty much anything i didn't have with me (which was most of my stuff since i didn't bring much for my last semester) is gone, lost forever to that dadgum hurricane. and you know what, i can't change that. and you know, in the midst of my anger at God and my questioning His judgment, He had the audacity to love me. and then, to add insult to injury, He had my itunes shuffle start playing a song that inevitably brought me to tears...and it hit me: God is bigger than anything that hits me. and i haven't even got it the worse. i'm more blessed than a lot of people back home, let alone the impoverished world. and more than my material things, God is bigger than any storm i face.

and so here i am, month and a half later, still dealing. and at that not well. and just over a month left to go. and it hits me, all this stuff in the Bible seems to revolve around forty days. Jesus remained between ascension and resurrection forty days to get the ball ol' Petey dropped rolling again with His ministry and offer some instruction and encouragement. Further, Jesus was in the wilderness fasting, praying, and being tempted for forty days. But i think most applicable is that Noah sat in a boat full of seasick land-dwelling animals and grumpy shipmates for forty days, all the while riding out the biggest, baddest (and only) thunderstorm he'd ever seen or faced. so it seems logical then that if Noah can do it, so can i.

so here i am, with a God bigger than the storm i'm in behind me and nothing left to lose except my pride, forty days left to go in what has quickly become the longest and most draining semester of my life...

bring on the rain.

God is bigger than
the air i breathe
the world we'll leave
God will save the day
and all will say
my Glorious

the world's shaking
with the love of God
Great and Glorious
let the whole earth sing

and all You ever do
is change the old for new
people, we believe that

God is bigger than
the air i breathe
the world we'll leave
God will save the day
and all will say
my Glorious

clouds are breaking
heaven's come to earth
hearts awakening
let the church bells ring

and all You ever do
is change the old for new
people, we believe that

God is bigger than
the air i breathe
the world we'll leave
and God will save the day
and all will say
my Glorious
my Glorious
my Glorious
my Glorious...

God is bigger than
the air i breathe
the world we'll leave
and God will save the day
and all will say
my Glorious

glory, glory
send Your glory
glory, glory
send Your glory...

-- Chris Tomlin: My Glorious

because He is Holy, and i'm unworthy.

isaiah 6:1-8:

in the year that king uzziah died, i saw the Lord sitting on a throne, high and lifted up, and the train of His robe filled the temple. above it stood seraphim; each one had six wings: with two he covered his face, with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. and one cried to another and said:

"holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts;
the whole earth is full of His glory!"

and the posts of the door were shaken by the voice of him who cried out, and the house was filled with smoke.

so i said:

"woe is me, for i am undone!
because i am a man of unclean lips,
and i dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips;
for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts."

then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a live coal which he had taken with the tongs from the altar. and he touched my mouth with it, and said:

"behold, this has touched your lips;
your iniquity is taken away,
and your sin purged."

also i heard the voice of the Lord, saying:

"whom shall I send,
and who will go for Us?"

then i said, "here and i! send me."


if only we had that kind of reverence for our King. it is a lost concept, the art of worship. in a me-based society, we have changed the "heart of worship" in a way similar to the song. and we don't even realize it, the fact that it's not about us. we fake it -- one face sunday morning in church and another monday morning on the freeway. and what makes it so pathetic is we honestly have no idea how to even go about true reverence...

i think isaiah said it best: "woe is me!" have you ever thought about the fact that worship is approaching the throne of God? not in some cliche, casting crowns, hillsong united style "worship" song, approaching the throne. that's ridiculous. the fact is that when we truly go to worship God, we are approaching the throne of the Highest, most Powerful, Glorious, Pure, Righteous God, Creator of the Universe. and we, like isaiah should understand all that that implies. this is not a game. and when you approach the throne of God, you definitely shouldn't go with an attitude of , "oh, God loves me. He'll look past what i did at that party last friday...i love this song. it makes me feel so close to God..." we should get the isaiah attitude. it is a privilege to have the honor of approaching the throne of God for nothing more than to praise Him. and we should understand that it is extraordinarily foolish to approach the Most High with some sin hidden behind our back, like a four year old with cookie crumbs all over his face.

so, next sunday, when you're lifting your hands and you're all "into the moment" and getting your worship groove on, consider this: i'm sure none of us would consider isaiah at all unholy and probably far more worthy to approach God than any of us -- i mean, it's isaiah. and yet, when face to face with God, his reaction was one of fear, certain that his sin and unrighteousness would cause God to smite Him right then and there. how much more then should we purge ourselves before approaching God?! we who, on our way to church, let fly a word when someone cuts us off and nearly sends us into the afterlife.

at any rate, next time you sing about bowing before the King of kings, consider the attitude of isaiah and search your heart.

because He is Holy.

and we are unworthy.

i'll leave you with a song that always makes me think...

how deep the Father's love for us,
how vast beyond all measure
that He should give His only Son
to make a wretch His treasure
how great the pain of searing loss,
the Father turns His face away
as wounds which mar the chosen One,
bring many sons to glory

behold the Man upon a cross,
my sin upon His shoulders
ashamed i hear my mocking voice,
call out among the scoffers
it was my sin that held Him there
until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
i know that it is finished

i will not boast in anything
no gifts, no power, no wisdom
but i will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
why should i gain from His reward?
i cannot give an answer
but this i know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom.

why should i gain from His reward?
i cannot give an answer
but this i know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom.

but this i know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom.

"how deep the father's love for us" -- stuart townend

everything.

this song has come to mean a lot to me over the last week or so, as i draw nearer the unknowns of graduation and "the real world", so i thought i'd share. i've had a lot of decisions to make recently, and some of my plans have changed. what's scarier, is that i'm fairly certain of the direction God's leading me in for the future and it is positively terrifying. but i love the message this song gives; it's comforting. no matter what, God is there, in the good and bad, in the known and unknown. and as long as He remains my everything, as terrifying and unknown as the future may be, i really can't go wrong...

God in my living
there in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping

God in my resting
there in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

be my everything
be my everything
be my everything
be my everything

God in my hoping
there in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting

God in my laughing
there in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
be my everything

be my everything
be my everything
be my everything
Jesus everything

Jesus everything
Jesus everything
Jesus everything
Jesus everything...

song by tim hughes.

hmmm...

so, i realize it's been almost 3 months since i last said anything, and this post isn't going to be particularly informative, but i thought i'd leave a small bit anyway. suffice it to say, i've had an unexpectedly busy semester. busy, but fun. i've grown closer to some of the most amazing girls i've ever met and further from some friends i never thought i'd forget, but, more importantly, i've grown. and for that, i thank God. actually, some friends and i were talking about that, how much we've changed in the last two and a half years, and i have to say, of all the things i expected, this was not in the picture. i never expected to be one of "those" girls, wearing colors or caring (at least a little) how i look. i never expected to sit up half the night having deep conversations and laughing my head off with a girl who wears more pink than barbie and actually enjoys listening to the gaithers, and least of all to have come to call her one of my all time best friends. yeah, there have been a lot of "unexpecteds" here. it's been tougher than i thought it would be, and some of my greatest learned lessons have come with a lot of pain involved. but i wouldn't trade it for anything.

so, as yet another semester winds down to a close and i contemplate the fact that a year from now i'll be getting ready to graduate (and that terrifies the crap outta me), i thought, being in a christmassy mood, i'd post the lyrics to a christmas song i absolutely love for others' enjoyment (because i'm so sure anyone other than me reads my thoughts...). so, here ya go. this is "i celebrate the day" by relient k:

and with this Christmas wish is missed
the point i could convey.
if only i could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life,
because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve.
and, from a lack of my persistency,
we're less than half as close as i want to be.

and the first time
that You opened Your eyes, did You realize that You would be my Savior?
and the first breath that left Your lips,
did You know that it would change this world forever?

and the first time
that You opened Your eyes, did You realize that You would be my Savior?
and the first breath that left Your lips,
did You know that it would change this world forever?

and so this christmas i'll compare the things i felt in prior years
to what this midnight made so clear,
that You have come to meet me here.

to look back and think that
this baby would one day save me,
in the hope that what You did
that you were born so i might really live.
to look back and think that
this baby would one day save me.

and the first time
that You opened Your eyes, did You realize that You would be my Savior?
and the first breath that left Your lips,
did You know that it would change this world forever?

and the first time
that You opened Your eyes, did You realize that You would be my Savior?
and the first breath that left Your lips,
did You know that it would change this world forever?

and i, i celebrate the day
that You were born to die,
so i could one day pray for You to save my life

pray for You to save my life

pray for You to save my life...

stuck in my head

so, it's late. and i can't get the lyrics to this song out of my head...so, my brilliant plan is to write them here, in the vain attempt that perhaps the song will stop playing over and over in my head and i can go to sleep, something for which my roommate would be grateful...to make matters worse, because the song was written by a member of our praise band, i can't go find it online and listen to it all the way through anywhere...until wednesday, that is!!! :) i'm so excited for the worship cd/dvd to come out!!! anyhoo, here goes. if i'm not mistaken, the song's called "uncovered". here's the chorus:

"Holy Father, uncover me
You the Truth that sets me free
break my pride till all i see
is all of You
uncovering me..."

that's the only part i can remember, so that's the only part you get...love, love, LOVE that song. props to harrison for some amazing song writing skills God blessed him with. anyhoo, now i shall go attempt again to sleep...night, night world.

in loving memory

the world may never again be quite the same. certainly liberty will not. today we are mourning the loss of one of the greatest advocates of christianity of our time. campus is quieter, teachers are more subdued, it seems a silence has fallen here. i was packing when our dorm got the news. it's weird to think next year when we get back on campus, dr falwell won't be here attempting to run over students. i can't even imagine those graduating this year, losing the chancellor less than a week before graduation. and he was so much more than a chancellor; he was like a grandpa to each of us. he'd listen to you anytime you needed; he talked to the students one on one; he'd try and make this as close to a home and family away from home as possible. his death has left us with this gaping hole on campus, and i doubt it will ever be quite filled in the same way. we will never forget the man who taught us to strive to be the best and work for our "bhag". the falwell family are in our thoughts and prayers.




gone but not forgotten.
jerry falwell will forever live on through his students.
1933-2007

bleeding orange and maroon

today we are all hokies.

spring break!!!!

i don't know what the problem is, but for some reason, it deleted this post and i don't remember what i wrote, so whatever.

true love.

"love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
-- 1 corinthians 13:6

so this passage has been speaking to me lately. and since it's valentine's day and the world, or at least the western hemisphere, is focused in on love, i thought it would be a good time to share this. it's quite a different description than that of today's society. endures all things. can you imagine what we'd be like today if we followed that part alone? no more divorce. no more church splits. no more war. no more hate crimes. no more murder. just from that one statement...at any rate, consider this the next time you casually tell someone you love them. it might give you a new perspective.


ps -- since it is valentine's day -- otherwise known as singles awareness day -- and i'm sure there are other singles out there dealing with the pressures of society on relationships, here:

"in the fear of the Lord, there is strong confidence,
and His children will have a place of refuge."
-- proverbs 14:26

so cuddle up with some chocolate and know that the God of the universe is your refuge today. :)

"that's what love is about - free will. we choose to love. and God chooses to love us. but that's also where evil comes in. we have free will. we choose to do evil. we chose to eat from the tree. and Christ chose to die on a tree...because we choose to do evil...that's love."
-- dr caner

it snowed!!!

yay! first snow of the year last night!!! :)



we went out and played for a while...









and i made a snow angel...otherwise known as me in my true form...







:)