"it's always nice to look out the window-- relient k: in like a lion (always winter)
and see those very first few flakes of snow,
and later on we can go outside
and create the impression of an angel that just fell from the sky.
when february rolls around i'll roll my eyes,
turn a cold shoulder to these even colder skies,
and, by the fire, my heart it heaves a sigh
for the green grass waiting on the other side.
it's always winter but never christmas;
it seems this curse just can't be lifted.
yet in the midst of all this ice and snow,
our hearts stay warm cause they are filled with hope.
it'd be so nice to look out the window
and see the leaves on the trees begin to show.
the birds would congregate and sing
a song of birth, a song of newer things.
the wind would calm, and the sun would shine.
i'd go outside, and i'd squint my eyes.
but for now i will simply just withdraw,
sit here, and wish for this world to thaw.
it's always winter but never christmas;
it seems this curse just can't be lifted.
yet in the midst of all this ice and snow,
our hearts stay warm cause they are filled with hope.
and everything it changed overnight;
this dying world, You brought it back to life.
and deep inside i felt things
shifting everything was melting
away oh away,
and you gave us the most beautiful of days.
cause when it's always winter but never christmas
sometimes it feels like You're not with us
but deep inside our hearts we know
that You are here and we will not lose hope..."
19.11.08
i heart relient k.
they certainly have a way with words.
16.11.08
i'm thirsty.
"i'm thirsty, God, i'm thirsty
from drinking what destroys me;
i'm pouring poison in my cup.
i'm hungry, God, i'm hungry,
consuming what controls me;
somehow it never fills me up.
we all want to find something to pass the time,
but that could never be enough.
everybody says we're all so different,
but everybody knows we're all the same.
we're all trying to find a pill to numb the pain;
something's got to change.
do you remember when you
had so much hope within you?
it lingers deep inside you still.
the more of us we swallow,
the more we become hollow
until we don't know how to feel.
we all want to find something to satisfy,
but we could never be enough.
everybody says we're all so different,
but everybody knows we're all the same.
we're all trying to find a pill to numb the pain;
something's got to change.
when everything we say and take just leads to war and hate;
we only pass the blame, sedate the pain, and move along,
but something feels so wrong, so deep inside, so hard to hide,
so desperately we try and try, and come to find that we are not what we've been looking for.
i can't believe i'm hearing people say that all is well;
i think it's time we all admit we have no good within ourselves.
cause we are not okay, we're not alright, and we need to pray for help.
forgive us for our pride, Oh God, Oh God, please save us from ourselves!
cause everybody says we're all so different,
but everybody knows we're all the same.
we're all trying to find a pill to numb the pain;
something's got to change.
so God help us --
something's got to change.
something's got to change.
so God help us,
something's got to change!
so God help us..."
-- josh wilson: something's got to change
14.11.08
perspective...
it's all in perspective, ya know? and i am in a daily struggle to get into the right perspective, no matter what God puts in my life to readjust it...
so everyday, i battle with myself over the true implications of one statement:
He is holy. and i'm unworthy.
-- hillsong united: lead me to the cross
so everyday, i battle with myself over the true implications of one statement:
He is holy. and i'm unworthy.
Savior i come
quiet my soul
remember
redemption's hill
where Your blood was spilled
for my ransom
everything i once held dear
i count it all as loss
lead me to the cross
where Your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord i lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to You
oh lead me,
lead me to the cross
You were as i
tempted and trialed
human
the Word became Flesh
bore my sin and death
now You're risen
everything i once held dear
i count it all as loss
lead me to the cross
where Your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord i lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to You
oh lead me,
lead me to the cross
to your heart
to your heart
lead me to your heart
lead me to your heart
lead me to the cross
where Your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord i lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to You
oh lead me,
lead me --
lead me to the cross
where Your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord i lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to You
oh lead me,
lead me to the cross.
-- hillsong united: lead me to the cross
is this how it's supposed to be?...
to start off, i'm gonna make two separate posts because two separate events happened today and, while i don't believe the two are unrelated, i do believe the one should not be brought down by the other in the same post. so, in what i'm hoping will be the last post on this for a while in my sad attempts to let go of the burden that's been eating at me for the last three months, i'll post a few sad and desperate verses/prayers for the friend who shall still remain nameless...
at the end of last year i gave you a thank you card that had this verse in it:
-- 1 samuel 18:1b
that is no less true today than it was six months ago, which is why this is hurting me so much. i told you our souls were knit together, that i loved you like i love myself. actually, probably more would be a more adequate summation of this, but we won't open that can of worms. but so that you know how much this hurts, i told you then, God knit our souls together and you were probably one of the closest friends i have ever had. so every time you look me in the eyes and lie, every time you knowingly walk deeper into the darkness, every time you blow me off or try to guilt trip me and manipulate me into doing your will or treat me like dirt, every day that goes by that you continue in the lie you've created, it hurts me. physically, emotionally, and spiritually. every time you fall further into this web you've spun without so much as a second guess as to how it might affect everyone around you, you rip just a little bit more at my soul. you twist the knife in my heart. you take just another bit of my being with you. does it not bother you at all? you walk so nonchalantly away from our friendship like it's nothing. has my being become so meaningless to you that i'm just one more person to fill a room until you can find someone better to replace me? does it not bother you that you no longer know any intimate details of my life? that i see you maybe twice outside of class in a week? that we're never alone together without long awkward silences? that i haven't even met him, let alone approve?
because it bothers me. and it bothers me more that it doesn't seem to bother you. i leave in less than a month. and quite frankly i think you couldn't care less.
-- Psalm 41:9
-- Psalm 55:12-14
at the end of last year i gave you a thank you card that had this verse in it:
"the soul of jonathan was knit to the soul of david, and jonathan loved him as himself."
-- 1 samuel 18:1b
that is no less true today than it was six months ago, which is why this is hurting me so much. i told you our souls were knit together, that i loved you like i love myself. actually, probably more would be a more adequate summation of this, but we won't open that can of worms. but so that you know how much this hurts, i told you then, God knit our souls together and you were probably one of the closest friends i have ever had. so every time you look me in the eyes and lie, every time you knowingly walk deeper into the darkness, every time you blow me off or try to guilt trip me and manipulate me into doing your will or treat me like dirt, every day that goes by that you continue in the lie you've created, it hurts me. physically, emotionally, and spiritually. every time you fall further into this web you've spun without so much as a second guess as to how it might affect everyone around you, you rip just a little bit more at my soul. you twist the knife in my heart. you take just another bit of my being with you. does it not bother you at all? you walk so nonchalantly away from our friendship like it's nothing. has my being become so meaningless to you that i'm just one more person to fill a room until you can find someone better to replace me? does it not bother you that you no longer know any intimate details of my life? that i see you maybe twice outside of class in a week? that we're never alone together without long awkward silences? that i haven't even met him, let alone approve?
because it bothers me. and it bothers me more that it doesn't seem to bother you. i leave in less than a month. and quite frankly i think you couldn't care less.
"even my close friend in whom i trusted,
who ate my bread,
has lifted up his heel against me."
-- Psalm 41:9
"for it is not an enemy who reproaches me,
then i could bear it;
nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me,
then i could hide myself from him.
but it is you, a man my equal,
my companion and my familiar friend;
we who had sweet fellowship together
walked in the house of God in the throng."
-- Psalm 55:12-14
10.11.08
hmmm...
less than one month now...in fact, i'm about 28 days now from my beloved texas...
you know, i was thinking (it's shocking, i know), i was trying to figure out why i seem to go through these spurts wherein i'll be really devoted to writing fairly regularly, and then i'll go for like months with nothing...and i think i've discovered it: i think i like pretending to be profound. no, no, it's true...it's odd, the whole blogging concept. think about it, when we're kids, we hide our diaries. then we become teenagers (i say this because up until recently it was my generation doing the whole blogging thing, it was my generation that started the whole blogging fad, and, even now, most baby boomers don't and the ones that do generally have/had teens that blog... and, by the way, i find it amusing that spell-check is underlining "blog"...) anyways, then we become teenagers and it becomes cool to lay all your feelings out on the internet for everyone to read. guess it goes along with the whole emo thing. plus, it's even worse with girls; it becomes a place online to back-stab other girls and gossip and discuss others' business. stupid girls. i hate girls. have i mentioned that lately? i don't like girls. they annoy me...but alas, i digress. i promised myself this one wouldn't be a rant...
ahem, where was i? oh, yes. blogging. i cannot really bring myself to write on here like a diary. thus, this becomes pretty much one of two things for me. it's a place to vent (as you've seen recently), though i endeavor to leave names and specifics out so that only a select few would ever be able to distinguish my ramblings. and i try to make it clear that i'm not trying to gossip; i'm simply venting. and since i think it's safer in some cases not to vent to one friend about another, it seems this is a fairly legit place to ramble on about what annoys me. OR, this is my place to discuss the sitcom that is my life. nothing particularly personal, just random moments that prove to me on a daily basis that God has a sense of humor, generally in His dealings with me. because my life is a walking opportunity for God to laugh, so why not use that to make others laugh? and as long as i'm laughing too, that means you're laughing with me not at me, right?...
haha, like, okay, today, a friend of mine in one of my classes asked me if i dyed my hair or was naturally blond? hahaha...oh, as if that one wasn't obvious...that one was good. cracked me up. indeed, i'm naturally blond, and i generally prove it on a day-to-day basis...so, indeed, that would be the other reason for this, to share with you the moments in my life that will maybe make you smile, even if it is at my expense.
i think though, maybe even subconsciously, this whole blog thing might be some need to prove we're not insecure. think about it. i know i try to sound more intelligent and profound on here, despite the fact that i know no one really reads this, and the ones who do know me and know i'm not as cool as i like to pretend...on the other hand, i've always believed that i sound much more intelligent in writing than i do in person...this may not be an actual example of that though...
so, what was my purpose in writing this?
i don't actually know that i have one...i might just be avoiding homework...
speaking of homework, it's less than two weeks till thanksgiving break!!! yay! and i'm going home in less than a month now...i'm so excited!!
and, christmas is coming...
you know, i was thinking (it's shocking, i know), i was trying to figure out why i seem to go through these spurts wherein i'll be really devoted to writing fairly regularly, and then i'll go for like months with nothing...and i think i've discovered it: i think i like pretending to be profound. no, no, it's true...it's odd, the whole blogging concept. think about it, when we're kids, we hide our diaries. then we become teenagers (i say this because up until recently it was my generation doing the whole blogging thing, it was my generation that started the whole blogging fad, and, even now, most baby boomers don't and the ones that do generally have/had teens that blog... and, by the way, i find it amusing that spell-check is underlining "blog"...) anyways, then we become teenagers and it becomes cool to lay all your feelings out on the internet for everyone to read. guess it goes along with the whole emo thing. plus, it's even worse with girls; it becomes a place online to back-stab other girls and gossip and discuss others' business. stupid girls. i hate girls. have i mentioned that lately? i don't like girls. they annoy me...but alas, i digress. i promised myself this one wouldn't be a rant...
ahem, where was i? oh, yes. blogging. i cannot really bring myself to write on here like a diary. thus, this becomes pretty much one of two things for me. it's a place to vent (as you've seen recently), though i endeavor to leave names and specifics out so that only a select few would ever be able to distinguish my ramblings. and i try to make it clear that i'm not trying to gossip; i'm simply venting. and since i think it's safer in some cases not to vent to one friend about another, it seems this is a fairly legit place to ramble on about what annoys me. OR, this is my place to discuss the sitcom that is my life. nothing particularly personal, just random moments that prove to me on a daily basis that God has a sense of humor, generally in His dealings with me. because my life is a walking opportunity for God to laugh, so why not use that to make others laugh? and as long as i'm laughing too, that means you're laughing with me not at me, right?...
haha, like, okay, today, a friend of mine in one of my classes asked me if i dyed my hair or was naturally blond? hahaha...oh, as if that one wasn't obvious...that one was good. cracked me up. indeed, i'm naturally blond, and i generally prove it on a day-to-day basis...so, indeed, that would be the other reason for this, to share with you the moments in my life that will maybe make you smile, even if it is at my expense.
i think though, maybe even subconsciously, this whole blog thing might be some need to prove we're not insecure. think about it. i know i try to sound more intelligent and profound on here, despite the fact that i know no one really reads this, and the ones who do know me and know i'm not as cool as i like to pretend...on the other hand, i've always believed that i sound much more intelligent in writing than i do in person...this may not be an actual example of that though...
so, what was my purpose in writing this?
i don't actually know that i have one...i might just be avoiding homework...
speaking of homework, it's less than two weeks till thanksgiving break!!! yay! and i'm going home in less than a month now...i'm so excited!!
and, christmas is coming...
charlie brown: isn't there anyone who knows what christmas is all about?
linus: sure, charlie brown, i can tell you what christmas is all about. lights, please. "and there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. and lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. and the angel said unto them, 'fear not: for behold, i bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. for unto you is born this day in the city of david a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. and this shall be a sign unto you; ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' and suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'" that's what christmas is all about, charlie brown.
7.11.08
three posts in one week -- it's pretty intense...
so, i think i've probably been ranting a lot lately, but there's been a lot to rant about, so i don't really feel the need to apologize about it.
this will probably also be fairly pointed to those who've been around me for the last few months and even more so within the last few weeks, but i don't care. i think it needs to be said, and since i don't know how or where else to say it i'll put it on here. [[disclaimer: i'm not usually this negative; this is just a lot of build up that i need to release.]] besides, the main person i'm talking about will probably never read this anyway and if they do maybe they'll take the hint...
i've said it before; no doubt i'll say it again: i hate lying. with a passion. it's one of the few things you can do to get on my bad side almost permanently. not to say i don't forgive someone who lies to me, but even with forgiveness, if you've broken my trust -- which is what lying does -- it will probably take a while to build it back up. so, i hate lying. a lot. like, a lot, a lot. and i don't just hate lying, i hate perpetual lying that leads to more and more lies to cover up the original instead of just acknowledging the lie in the first place. i loathe it. i don't like being around liars. they annoy me.
and i have this friend. she's been warned before, even personally acknowledged the fact that she cannot lie to save her life. she's terrible at it. she can't pull it off. and that used to be a shining factor for her. she was innocently proud of the fact that she couldn't lie to us. and then something changed. i won't explain what happened, partly because i simply cannot follow the logic behind this lie, but mainly because she has yet to acknowledge the lie and confirm what myself as well as some other friends knew quite some time ago to be the truth. she chose, as best we can imagine, to lie to cover up a problem she was having. we think the "logic" (and i use the term loosely) behind the first idea to lie came from this need she has to not disappoint us. she overlooked a small factor. (actually, she overlooked several factors.) in her attempt to not disappoint her friends, she was/is sinning and therefore disappointing God, Someone of far greater importance than her earthly peers. besides that, she has disappointed us far more by lying and continuing to lie to us.
the story gets worse though, because her lie wasn't just some simple cover up of a one-time event. it is a continual cover up of a problem she is still trying to deal with and has yet to overcome. and the lie isn't just to us, it's to everyone -- her best friends, her parents, the rest of her family, etc. and from this lie has spawned multiple other smaller lies, covering up the original. plus, the problem has continued to grow because she has not allowed others to rally around her and help her through this issue, she's continued to live a lie and pretend the problem does not exist. this has led the original issue to worsen, as well as compounded issues to the original problem.
i said she was not a good liar. she has not improved. the web she's spun has many holes, whether she realizes it or not. and she's not good at dealing with problems in general, let alone a constant deception. it's actually caused health problems. her tendency with anything is to ignore it, pretend it doesn't exist, until she pushes it far enough into the back of her mind that she can go on like it doesn't exist, all the while not realizing that it is eating away at her from the inside out like a cancer out of control. and that's exactly what it's doing. she's sick constantly. she's managed to push away all her friends and anger them enough that they don't particularly like being around her. she has a constant attitude; she's on an extremely short fuse, constantly angry at the people who have done nothing but continue to love her despite the fact that she is constantly stabbing them in the face and stepping on their hearts. she has secluded and hermitted herself, avoiding the people seeking her out to love. she's seeking out a dangerous relationship that's not right for her, and she knows it. she's not putting effort into school, and lying about that too.
but most noticeable and certainly most important, she's fallen spiritually. all her close friends have now noticed it and are concerned. not only is she not spiritually where she was a year ago, she's moved backwards, gossiping, envying, cussing, and extremely self-conscious for no apparent reason. she's never been extremely out there with her behaviors, able to shrug off public opinion, but she was able to be comfortable in the fact that her friends loved her and, more importantly, God loves her. now, she's constantly held back by what others will think and what they might say about her. who the freakin heck cares what other people think?? how proud and self-involved do you have to be to actually try to avoid being seen in public with the people who've put up with an awful lot of crap from you and, further, tell them that you don't like them as much as another person. in all seriousness. you know what? i'm tired of your stupid b.s. i've been through a lot this semester and you weren't there for me. i've been nothing but there for you, even when all you do is lash out at me, hurt me, and use me as some thing for you to take out your frustrations with yourself on. and you know dang well i needed you this semester. this has been the hardest dang semester of my life and i had to go through it without the one person who was supposed to be my absolute best friend. some "friend" you turned out to be. you might consider rereading that definition. while you're at it, look up loyalty, love, and honesty.
if you do happen to read this, you know who you are. this is not intended to be a break up or a lash out against you. if anything, it should be a reality check, and you might should consider taking it seriously and talking to us, cause the facts haven't changed -- you're still not a good liar. we knew by about two weeks into the semester exactly what all had happened. and the thing that disappointed us most and continues to disappoint us was not and never will be what you lied to cover up. it's merely the fact that you lied and have continued to lie about it, despite the blatant hints that we know. think about that alright. while you're sitting there reading this growing absolutely infuriated, consider this: we've been nothing but kind and understanding to you, giving you every opportunity to confess it yourself, but do you realize what it felt like every time you looked me in the eye and lied to me? and i knew it. every time. you were just twisting the knife. and you have the audacity to be mad at me for writing this? no one except the people immediately involved will have any idea who i'm talking about, but on the off chance that you read this, i want you to know, i'm still willing to listen if you're willing to talk. but you should know that it will be a long time before i can trust you again. and so that you know this too, just because i know the truth does not excuse you from the confession. for your own sake you need to get that crap off your chest. and i won't be able to start learning to trust you again until you do.
and i'm not even sure if i'll post this. i just needed to get it out there, out of my head. cause constantly being around someone who's continually stabbing my back is making me physically sick. and i think having this in writing might help. you probably won't ever see this anyway. maybe you will. i dunno. i'll leave it in God's hands now. and i'm still praying for you. because i miss my friend. but you're no longer the person i sought out as a close friend. you're just someone else i know. and you're definitely not who i'd seek out to make a close friend now.
cause you know what, this semester has been hell for me, and you haven't helped make it any less that.
this will probably also be fairly pointed to those who've been around me for the last few months and even more so within the last few weeks, but i don't care. i think it needs to be said, and since i don't know how or where else to say it i'll put it on here. [[disclaimer: i'm not usually this negative; this is just a lot of build up that i need to release.]] besides, the main person i'm talking about will probably never read this anyway and if they do maybe they'll take the hint...
i've said it before; no doubt i'll say it again: i hate lying. with a passion. it's one of the few things you can do to get on my bad side almost permanently. not to say i don't forgive someone who lies to me, but even with forgiveness, if you've broken my trust -- which is what lying does -- it will probably take a while to build it back up. so, i hate lying. a lot. like, a lot, a lot. and i don't just hate lying, i hate perpetual lying that leads to more and more lies to cover up the original instead of just acknowledging the lie in the first place. i loathe it. i don't like being around liars. they annoy me.
and i have this friend. she's been warned before, even personally acknowledged the fact that she cannot lie to save her life. she's terrible at it. she can't pull it off. and that used to be a shining factor for her. she was innocently proud of the fact that she couldn't lie to us. and then something changed. i won't explain what happened, partly because i simply cannot follow the logic behind this lie, but mainly because she has yet to acknowledge the lie and confirm what myself as well as some other friends knew quite some time ago to be the truth. she chose, as best we can imagine, to lie to cover up a problem she was having. we think the "logic" (and i use the term loosely) behind the first idea to lie came from this need she has to not disappoint us. she overlooked a small factor. (actually, she overlooked several factors.) in her attempt to not disappoint her friends, she was/is sinning and therefore disappointing God, Someone of far greater importance than her earthly peers. besides that, she has disappointed us far more by lying and continuing to lie to us.
the story gets worse though, because her lie wasn't just some simple cover up of a one-time event. it is a continual cover up of a problem she is still trying to deal with and has yet to overcome. and the lie isn't just to us, it's to everyone -- her best friends, her parents, the rest of her family, etc. and from this lie has spawned multiple other smaller lies, covering up the original. plus, the problem has continued to grow because she has not allowed others to rally around her and help her through this issue, she's continued to live a lie and pretend the problem does not exist. this has led the original issue to worsen, as well as compounded issues to the original problem.
i said she was not a good liar. she has not improved. the web she's spun has many holes, whether she realizes it or not. and she's not good at dealing with problems in general, let alone a constant deception. it's actually caused health problems. her tendency with anything is to ignore it, pretend it doesn't exist, until she pushes it far enough into the back of her mind that she can go on like it doesn't exist, all the while not realizing that it is eating away at her from the inside out like a cancer out of control. and that's exactly what it's doing. she's sick constantly. she's managed to push away all her friends and anger them enough that they don't particularly like being around her. she has a constant attitude; she's on an extremely short fuse, constantly angry at the people who have done nothing but continue to love her despite the fact that she is constantly stabbing them in the face and stepping on their hearts. she has secluded and hermitted herself, avoiding the people seeking her out to love. she's seeking out a dangerous relationship that's not right for her, and she knows it. she's not putting effort into school, and lying about that too.
but most noticeable and certainly most important, she's fallen spiritually. all her close friends have now noticed it and are concerned. not only is she not spiritually where she was a year ago, she's moved backwards, gossiping, envying, cussing, and extremely self-conscious for no apparent reason. she's never been extremely out there with her behaviors, able to shrug off public opinion, but she was able to be comfortable in the fact that her friends loved her and, more importantly, God loves her. now, she's constantly held back by what others will think and what they might say about her. who the freakin heck cares what other people think?? how proud and self-involved do you have to be to actually try to avoid being seen in public with the people who've put up with an awful lot of crap from you and, further, tell them that you don't like them as much as another person. in all seriousness. you know what? i'm tired of your stupid b.s. i've been through a lot this semester and you weren't there for me. i've been nothing but there for you, even when all you do is lash out at me, hurt me, and use me as some thing for you to take out your frustrations with yourself on. and you know dang well i needed you this semester. this has been the hardest dang semester of my life and i had to go through it without the one person who was supposed to be my absolute best friend. some "friend" you turned out to be. you might consider rereading that definition. while you're at it, look up loyalty, love, and honesty.
if you do happen to read this, you know who you are. this is not intended to be a break up or a lash out against you. if anything, it should be a reality check, and you might should consider taking it seriously and talking to us, cause the facts haven't changed -- you're still not a good liar. we knew by about two weeks into the semester exactly what all had happened. and the thing that disappointed us most and continues to disappoint us was not and never will be what you lied to cover up. it's merely the fact that you lied and have continued to lie about it, despite the blatant hints that we know. think about that alright. while you're sitting there reading this growing absolutely infuriated, consider this: we've been nothing but kind and understanding to you, giving you every opportunity to confess it yourself, but do you realize what it felt like every time you looked me in the eye and lied to me? and i knew it. every time. you were just twisting the knife. and you have the audacity to be mad at me for writing this? no one except the people immediately involved will have any idea who i'm talking about, but on the off chance that you read this, i want you to know, i'm still willing to listen if you're willing to talk. but you should know that it will be a long time before i can trust you again. and so that you know this too, just because i know the truth does not excuse you from the confession. for your own sake you need to get that crap off your chest. and i won't be able to start learning to trust you again until you do.
and i'm not even sure if i'll post this. i just needed to get it out there, out of my head. cause constantly being around someone who's continually stabbing my back is making me physically sick. and i think having this in writing might help. you probably won't ever see this anyway. maybe you will. i dunno. i'll leave it in God's hands now. and i'm still praying for you. because i miss my friend. but you're no longer the person i sought out as a close friend. you're just someone else i know. and you're definitely not who i'd seek out to make a close friend now.
cause you know what, this semester has been hell for me, and you haven't helped make it any less that.
He who practices deceit shall not dwell within my house;
He who speaks falsehood shall not maintain his position before me.
-- Psalm 101:7
5.11.08
i should be doing homework
so, apparently christians have forgotten their place. no wonder the world calls us hypocrites. do you know, i attend a fairly conservative (at the moment), evangelical university, and i have personally witnessed some of the worst belly-aching and bad attitudes on this campus by so-called christians i've ever seen. i'm reminded of this early-nineties christian song by twila paris called "God is in control"...(haha, i just heard the tune in my head and it's so nineties it cracks me up...) seriously, i think some people, though they would never put it in these exact terms, are acting like God was sitting up in heaven last night when the election was called going, "what?! wait, what??!! but i thought...no, surely not...huh. wasn't expecting that one...but, i was sure liberty was going to manage to pull in enough mccain votes for the entire country...ok, well...michael! can you bring me that scroll? the one that says "ultimate plan" in big block letters at the top? i'm gonna have to pencil in a few changes..." seriously? God was not surprised. He put obama in power -- that's right, HE put obama in power -- for a reason. His plan has not changed. some people need to take a chill pill, step back, and realize that God is still in control, regardless of whether their political affiliation is. one shouldn't be so arrogant as to assume that their way is the only way and when that doesn't happen the world will somehow implode. and for all the people out there claiming they'll move to another country, go ahead. the democrats won't care. in fact, it would probably just make it easier for them...
there are a few things i do find of interest though. first off, i find it somewhat ironic that fifty years ago, obama would have been prosecuted as a red, not haled as a hero of "change". my how times have changed that people openly welcome socialism and basic communistic principles as some kind of constructive revolution. but then, every generation must learn some lessons for themselves and my generation seems to have yet to learn much of anything. we shall soon see, i suppose. second off, i didn't realize this till a friend pointed it out today: how does a guy get to run in a presidential election when they have yet to prove he is even an american citizen?? yes, that's right, he will not release his birth records. (nor will he release his law practicing records for anything previous his election as senator, which is another equally interesting story -- how does no one find that at all suspicious?? but then, the media, being so enamored by him, doesn't seem to report anything about him that might lead one to suspicions of his trustworthiness, no matter how justified those suspicions may be...) so, it's not like the secret service or the fbi or somebody won't ever be able to get a hold of those. in fact, it is strictly against the constitution that he be allowed to be sworn in without solid proof of his birthplace, which means there's still a strange chance that he might in fact be removed from eligibility and not become president. also, so i noticed that there's a dramatic difference between his live appearance and something his campaign puts out -- they darken his skin color for commercials. that man is almost as pale as i am, and honey, i'm pasty. are ya kidding me? anybody who plays the race card in my book does not deserve respect. and quite frankly, if you voted against OR FOR obama because he is black, you are just as racist as someone burning a cross in a black family's yard. race has nothing to do with it. you vote based on political stance -- race and gender are not part of the equation. finally, the economy does not seem to bode well of this. the day after his election, the stock marked plunges, what does that tell you? well, it certainly doesn't seem to be a good omen...
more importantly though, america needs to get over this split. there's little he could accomplish in the next four years that will absolutely destroy america. and there were several good turn outs in the background of the presidential race. prop 8 was passed in ca, in fact the entire west coast had a pretty close presidential race. they almost had to change oregon and ca over for a bit. it seems at the moment as though the country is split down the middle, and it becomes obama's job to reunite the country. get over it -- you won or lost, now move on. if he does terrible, change congress in two years and it will make more of a difference than anything else.
and now is the time for christians to step up, not lay down. remember that whole constant joy, unconditional love thing? yeah, use it. God puts people in power, not us. He is the one in control, not us. and His will is what's perfect, not ours. so, for some reason unexplainable to christian conservatives, God put obama in power. now render to caesar and serve your ruler. respect the president even if you disagree. you respect the position even when you don't respect the person, and understand that when you don't respect the authority of the presidency, you're not as much disrespecting the president as you are the One who put him there, God. live what you claim you believe and maybe open the bible every once in a while. cause i gotta tell you, i've read the end of the book. this isn't a surprise. and anyone who follows christian history can tell you, christianity only ever really prospers under persecution. it's been a while here in america. maybe God's sending a wake up call...
on a completely separate note: i can't wait for christmas!!
there are a few things i do find of interest though. first off, i find it somewhat ironic that fifty years ago, obama would have been prosecuted as a red, not haled as a hero of "change". my how times have changed that people openly welcome socialism and basic communistic principles as some kind of constructive revolution. but then, every generation must learn some lessons for themselves and my generation seems to have yet to learn much of anything. we shall soon see, i suppose. second off, i didn't realize this till a friend pointed it out today: how does a guy get to run in a presidential election when they have yet to prove he is even an american citizen?? yes, that's right, he will not release his birth records. (nor will he release his law practicing records for anything previous his election as senator, which is another equally interesting story -- how does no one find that at all suspicious?? but then, the media, being so enamored by him, doesn't seem to report anything about him that might lead one to suspicions of his trustworthiness, no matter how justified those suspicions may be...) so, it's not like the secret service or the fbi or somebody won't ever be able to get a hold of those. in fact, it is strictly against the constitution that he be allowed to be sworn in without solid proof of his birthplace, which means there's still a strange chance that he might in fact be removed from eligibility and not become president. also, so i noticed that there's a dramatic difference between his live appearance and something his campaign puts out -- they darken his skin color for commercials. that man is almost as pale as i am, and honey, i'm pasty. are ya kidding me? anybody who plays the race card in my book does not deserve respect. and quite frankly, if you voted against OR FOR obama because he is black, you are just as racist as someone burning a cross in a black family's yard. race has nothing to do with it. you vote based on political stance -- race and gender are not part of the equation. finally, the economy does not seem to bode well of this. the day after his election, the stock marked plunges, what does that tell you? well, it certainly doesn't seem to be a good omen...
more importantly though, america needs to get over this split. there's little he could accomplish in the next four years that will absolutely destroy america. and there were several good turn outs in the background of the presidential race. prop 8 was passed in ca, in fact the entire west coast had a pretty close presidential race. they almost had to change oregon and ca over for a bit. it seems at the moment as though the country is split down the middle, and it becomes obama's job to reunite the country. get over it -- you won or lost, now move on. if he does terrible, change congress in two years and it will make more of a difference than anything else.
and now is the time for christians to step up, not lay down. remember that whole constant joy, unconditional love thing? yeah, use it. God puts people in power, not us. He is the one in control, not us. and His will is what's perfect, not ours. so, for some reason unexplainable to christian conservatives, God put obama in power. now render to caesar and serve your ruler. respect the president even if you disagree. you respect the position even when you don't respect the person, and understand that when you don't respect the authority of the presidency, you're not as much disrespecting the president as you are the One who put him there, God. live what you claim you believe and maybe open the bible every once in a while. cause i gotta tell you, i've read the end of the book. this isn't a surprise. and anyone who follows christian history can tell you, christianity only ever really prospers under persecution. it's been a while here in america. maybe God's sending a wake up call...
on a completely separate note: i can't wait for christmas!!
just hear those sleigh bells jingling,
ring ting tingling too
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you
outside the snow is falling
and friends are calling "yoo hoo",
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you.
just hear those sleigh bells jingling,
ring ting tingling too
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you
outside the snow is falling
and friends are calling "yoo hoo",
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you.
giddy yap, giddy yap, giddy yap,
let's go, let's look at the show,
we're riding in a wonderland of snow.
giddy yap, giddy yap, giddy yap,
it's grand, just holding your hand,
we're gliding along with a song
of a wintry fairy land
our cheeks are nice and rosy
and comfy cozy are we
we're snuggled up together
like two birds of a feather would be
let's take that road before us
and sing a chorus or two
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you.
giddy yap, giddy yap, giddy yap,
let's go, let's look at the show,
we're riding in a wonderland of snow.
giddy yap, giddy yap, giddy yap,
it's grand, just holding your hand,
we're gliding along with a song
of a wintry fairy land
just hear those sleigh bells jingling,
ring ting tingling too
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you
outside the snow is falling
and friends are calling "yoo hoo",
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you.
it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you.
oh yeah, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you...
-- relient k: sleigh ride
3.11.08
the irony
so, i'm absolutely disgusted by politics and america and the like at the moment. i'm tired of listening to convo speakers tell me how to vote and people bicker over small, insignificant political agendas that will never really matter that much anyways. this is a rant. i don't wanna hear back about how i should be more bipartisan or understanding or (my personal favorite) "tolerant" of people who will never tolerate my beliefs. if you disagree, go write your own blog, and don't expect me to care or read it. this is my rant, and if you don't like it, click the little back button and go google something else. you've been warned.
i'm so sick of politics. i hate it. none of the so called changes proposed are actually the problem anyway. and for the record, i challenge anyone to give me convincing statistics that will prove that an actual significant percentage of america is EVER persuaded by debates (both formal and lunchroom) or worse convocation speakers! it's ridiculous. no one cares what your opinion is because no one listens to anyone else speak. that is proved merely by those already in power -- on BOTH sides!! don't misunderstand me, i hate hitler and everything he stood/stands for, but i really do think he said it best:
it's sooo flipping true. i'll be outright, i'm a mccain supporter (technically), though i'll also admit i disagree with him on a number of things and find him only to be the lesser of two evils. now, i understand that the words politician and liar generally go hand in hand. i know they all lie; this should come as no shock. but obama takes lying to the next level. i mean honestly, i disagree with most of the democratic stance on politics, but at least i can respect the ones who take a firm stand for their liberal beliefs. that's not necessarily a bad thing; you're entitled to your opinion. but i hate lying, particularly constant lying. i'm absolutely disgusted by how wishy-washy obama has been. i simply cannot respect the man. seriously? is the public opinion so important that you say six different things you "unwaveringly believe" to six different crowds, all of which contradict each other?? besides the fact that anyone with half a brain -- that will actually use it -- should know that most of what presidential candidates promise is never actually within their power. you want things to change? change congress. but realize congress rarely agrees long enough and works long enough for things to actually happen. you want environmental changes? that's all congress. you want gun control? that's all congress. you wanna change abortion laws? congress. i love the way dr fowler put it this morning; political elections in america have become nothing more than billion dollar pep rallies and popularity contests. meanwhile there's mass genocide in darfur and mass starvation in india. but we, the elite, sophisticated, educated, power-house of a country sit and debate and philosophize about how to solve these great problems over coffee at the country club, spending more money on the letters that follow our name than we manage to drop in the salvation army donation bucket outside walmart. yes, indeed. we really have risen to become the cream of the crop.
our forefathers would be ashamed.
now, i firmly believe in voting. i believe we see even through scripture that we are to exercise that right, to vote our biblical convictions and pray for the leaders of our country:
but notice that Christ says caesar, not republican or democrat. and caesar was definitely not in line with jewish beliefs or persuasions. so, then, vote what you're sure to be the right path morally and ethically, and for heaven's sake, pray for the election. but know that above all, it's in God's hands. and stop peddling your beliefs to people who neither care nor are listening...
and remember, despite whoever may win tomorrow, God is still in control -- even if YOU aren't. tomorrow's outcome won't shock God at all.
i'm so sick of politics. i hate it. none of the so called changes proposed are actually the problem anyway. and for the record, i challenge anyone to give me convincing statistics that will prove that an actual significant percentage of america is EVER persuaded by debates (both formal and lunchroom) or worse convocation speakers! it's ridiculous. no one cares what your opinion is because no one listens to anyone else speak. that is proved merely by those already in power -- on BOTH sides!! don't misunderstand me, i hate hitler and everything he stood/stands for, but i really do think he said it best:
"what good fortune for those in power that people do not think."
it's sooo flipping true. i'll be outright, i'm a mccain supporter (technically), though i'll also admit i disagree with him on a number of things and find him only to be the lesser of two evils. now, i understand that the words politician and liar generally go hand in hand. i know they all lie; this should come as no shock. but obama takes lying to the next level. i mean honestly, i disagree with most of the democratic stance on politics, but at least i can respect the ones who take a firm stand for their liberal beliefs. that's not necessarily a bad thing; you're entitled to your opinion. but i hate lying, particularly constant lying. i'm absolutely disgusted by how wishy-washy obama has been. i simply cannot respect the man. seriously? is the public opinion so important that you say six different things you "unwaveringly believe" to six different crowds, all of which contradict each other?? besides the fact that anyone with half a brain -- that will actually use it -- should know that most of what presidential candidates promise is never actually within their power. you want things to change? change congress. but realize congress rarely agrees long enough and works long enough for things to actually happen. you want environmental changes? that's all congress. you want gun control? that's all congress. you wanna change abortion laws? congress. i love the way dr fowler put it this morning; political elections in america have become nothing more than billion dollar pep rallies and popularity contests. meanwhile there's mass genocide in darfur and mass starvation in india. but we, the elite, sophisticated, educated, power-house of a country sit and debate and philosophize about how to solve these great problems over coffee at the country club, spending more money on the letters that follow our name than we manage to drop in the salvation army donation bucket outside walmart. yes, indeed. we really have risen to become the cream of the crop.
our forefathers would be ashamed.
now, i firmly believe in voting. i believe we see even through scripture that we are to exercise that right, to vote our biblical convictions and pray for the leaders of our country:
"Then He said to them, 'Then render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's; and to God the things that are God's.'"
-- Matthew 22:21
but notice that Christ says caesar, not republican or democrat. and caesar was definitely not in line with jewish beliefs or persuasions. so, then, vote what you're sure to be the right path morally and ethically, and for heaven's sake, pray for the election. but know that above all, it's in God's hands. and stop peddling your beliefs to people who neither care nor are listening...
and remember, despite whoever may win tomorrow, God is still in control -- even if YOU aren't. tomorrow's outcome won't shock God at all.
"Counsel is mine and sound wisdom;
I am understanding, power is mine.
By me kings reign,
And rulers decree justice.
By me princes rule, and nobles,
All who judge rightly."
-- Proverbs 8:14-16
"Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same; for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil. Therefore it is necessary to be in subjection, not only because of wrath, but also for conscience' sake. For because of this you also pay taxes, for rulers are servants of God, devoting themselves to this very thing. Render to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor."
-- Romans 13:1-7
"Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men."
-- 1Peter 2:13-15
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