"i made it through the year, and i did not even collapse;-- relient k: merry christmas, here's to many more
gotta say, "thank God, for that."
i'm torn between what keeps me whole
and what tears me in half;
i'll fall apart or stay intact.
with tired eyes i stumble back to bed;
i need to realize my sorry life's not hanging by a thread,
at least not yet.
so look at me now,
it's finally christmas and i'm home;
head indoors, to get out of this weather.
and i don't know how,
but the closest friends i've ever known are all inside
singing together,
singing merry christmas, here's to many more.
it always hurt to be all by myself this time of year,
a cold and lonely christmas eve.
and living out my days alone,
well that had been my deepest fear,
but You promised You won't leave.
i look towards the east and see a star.
Jesus Christ, it's blessed my life to know just who you are;
You are my hope.
so look at me now,
it's finally christmas and i'm home;
head indoors, to get out of this weather.
and i don't know how,
but the closest friends i've ever known are all inside
singing together,
singing merry christmas, here's to many more.
deck the halls with mistletoe;
may all your heavy burdens go
up the chimney in a cloud of smoke
the fire's burning bright.
strike up the band and play the tune,
cause christmas will be here and soon;
you'll hear our song in every room
this merry christmas night.
fa la la la la la la la ...
singing merry christmas, here's to many more..."
12.12.08
and, just like that, i'm done...
i'm home now. seems weird, ya know? like, to think i'm not going back. i'm done with school. anyways, i've had a fairly ridiculous semester, and i love relient k, and somehow, these words totally fit the situation. so, thanks relient k for supplying the words once again to describe exactly my feelings...
1.12.08
only One did that for me...
"follow the star to a place unexpected-- downhere: how many kings
would you believe after all we’ve projected
a child in a manger
lowly and small, the weakest of all
unlikeliest hero, wrapped in his mothers shawl
just a child
is this Who we’ve waited for?
cause how many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
how many lords have abandoned their homes?
how many greats have become the least for me?
how many gods have poured out their hearts
to romance a world that has torn all apart?
how many fathers gave up their sons for me?
bringing our gifts for the newborn Savior
all that we have whether costly or meek
because we believe
gold for his honor and frankincense for his
pleasure and myrrh for the cross he’ll suffer
do you believe, is this who we’ve waited for?
it’s who we’ve waited for
how many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
how many lords have abandoned their homes?
how many greats have become the least for me?
how many gods have poured out their hearts
to romance a world that has torn all apart?
how many fathers gave up their sons for me?
only One did that for me
all for me
all for you
all for me
all for you...
how many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
how many lords have abandoned their homes?
how many greats have become the least?
how many gods have poured out their hearts
to romance a world that has torn all apart?
how many fathers gave up their sons for me?
only One did that for me...
all for me
all for you..."
19.11.08
i heart relient k.
they certainly have a way with words.
"it's always nice to look out the window-- relient k: in like a lion (always winter)
and see those very first few flakes of snow,
and later on we can go outside
and create the impression of an angel that just fell from the sky.
when february rolls around i'll roll my eyes,
turn a cold shoulder to these even colder skies,
and, by the fire, my heart it heaves a sigh
for the green grass waiting on the other side.
it's always winter but never christmas;
it seems this curse just can't be lifted.
yet in the midst of all this ice and snow,
our hearts stay warm cause they are filled with hope.
it'd be so nice to look out the window
and see the leaves on the trees begin to show.
the birds would congregate and sing
a song of birth, a song of newer things.
the wind would calm, and the sun would shine.
i'd go outside, and i'd squint my eyes.
but for now i will simply just withdraw,
sit here, and wish for this world to thaw.
it's always winter but never christmas;
it seems this curse just can't be lifted.
yet in the midst of all this ice and snow,
our hearts stay warm cause they are filled with hope.
and everything it changed overnight;
this dying world, You brought it back to life.
and deep inside i felt things
shifting everything was melting
away oh away,
and you gave us the most beautiful of days.
cause when it's always winter but never christmas
sometimes it feels like You're not with us
but deep inside our hearts we know
that You are here and we will not lose hope..."
16.11.08
i'm thirsty.
"i'm thirsty, God, i'm thirsty
from drinking what destroys me;
i'm pouring poison in my cup.
i'm hungry, God, i'm hungry,
consuming what controls me;
somehow it never fills me up.
we all want to find something to pass the time,
but that could never be enough.
everybody says we're all so different,
but everybody knows we're all the same.
we're all trying to find a pill to numb the pain;
something's got to change.
do you remember when you
had so much hope within you?
it lingers deep inside you still.
the more of us we swallow,
the more we become hollow
until we don't know how to feel.
we all want to find something to satisfy,
but we could never be enough.
everybody says we're all so different,
but everybody knows we're all the same.
we're all trying to find a pill to numb the pain;
something's got to change.
when everything we say and take just leads to war and hate;
we only pass the blame, sedate the pain, and move along,
but something feels so wrong, so deep inside, so hard to hide,
so desperately we try and try, and come to find that we are not what we've been looking for.
i can't believe i'm hearing people say that all is well;
i think it's time we all admit we have no good within ourselves.
cause we are not okay, we're not alright, and we need to pray for help.
forgive us for our pride, Oh God, Oh God, please save us from ourselves!
cause everybody says we're all so different,
but everybody knows we're all the same.
we're all trying to find a pill to numb the pain;
something's got to change.
so God help us --
something's got to change.
something's got to change.
so God help us,
something's got to change!
so God help us..."
-- josh wilson: something's got to change
14.11.08
perspective...
it's all in perspective, ya know? and i am in a daily struggle to get into the right perspective, no matter what God puts in my life to readjust it...
so everyday, i battle with myself over the true implications of one statement:
He is holy. and i'm unworthy.
-- hillsong united: lead me to the cross
so everyday, i battle with myself over the true implications of one statement:
He is holy. and i'm unworthy.
Savior i come
quiet my soul
remember
redemption's hill
where Your blood was spilled
for my ransom
everything i once held dear
i count it all as loss
lead me to the cross
where Your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord i lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to You
oh lead me,
lead me to the cross
You were as i
tempted and trialed
human
the Word became Flesh
bore my sin and death
now You're risen
everything i once held dear
i count it all as loss
lead me to the cross
where Your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord i lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to You
oh lead me,
lead me to the cross
to your heart
to your heart
lead me to your heart
lead me to your heart
lead me to the cross
where Your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord i lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to You
oh lead me,
lead me --
lead me to the cross
where Your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord i lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to You
oh lead me,
lead me to the cross.
-- hillsong united: lead me to the cross
is this how it's supposed to be?...
to start off, i'm gonna make two separate posts because two separate events happened today and, while i don't believe the two are unrelated, i do believe the one should not be brought down by the other in the same post. so, in what i'm hoping will be the last post on this for a while in my sad attempts to let go of the burden that's been eating at me for the last three months, i'll post a few sad and desperate verses/prayers for the friend who shall still remain nameless...
at the end of last year i gave you a thank you card that had this verse in it:
-- 1 samuel 18:1b
that is no less true today than it was six months ago, which is why this is hurting me so much. i told you our souls were knit together, that i loved you like i love myself. actually, probably more would be a more adequate summation of this, but we won't open that can of worms. but so that you know how much this hurts, i told you then, God knit our souls together and you were probably one of the closest friends i have ever had. so every time you look me in the eyes and lie, every time you knowingly walk deeper into the darkness, every time you blow me off or try to guilt trip me and manipulate me into doing your will or treat me like dirt, every day that goes by that you continue in the lie you've created, it hurts me. physically, emotionally, and spiritually. every time you fall further into this web you've spun without so much as a second guess as to how it might affect everyone around you, you rip just a little bit more at my soul. you twist the knife in my heart. you take just another bit of my being with you. does it not bother you at all? you walk so nonchalantly away from our friendship like it's nothing. has my being become so meaningless to you that i'm just one more person to fill a room until you can find someone better to replace me? does it not bother you that you no longer know any intimate details of my life? that i see you maybe twice outside of class in a week? that we're never alone together without long awkward silences? that i haven't even met him, let alone approve?
because it bothers me. and it bothers me more that it doesn't seem to bother you. i leave in less than a month. and quite frankly i think you couldn't care less.
-- Psalm 41:9
-- Psalm 55:12-14
at the end of last year i gave you a thank you card that had this verse in it:
"the soul of jonathan was knit to the soul of david, and jonathan loved him as himself."
-- 1 samuel 18:1b
that is no less true today than it was six months ago, which is why this is hurting me so much. i told you our souls were knit together, that i loved you like i love myself. actually, probably more would be a more adequate summation of this, but we won't open that can of worms. but so that you know how much this hurts, i told you then, God knit our souls together and you were probably one of the closest friends i have ever had. so every time you look me in the eyes and lie, every time you knowingly walk deeper into the darkness, every time you blow me off or try to guilt trip me and manipulate me into doing your will or treat me like dirt, every day that goes by that you continue in the lie you've created, it hurts me. physically, emotionally, and spiritually. every time you fall further into this web you've spun without so much as a second guess as to how it might affect everyone around you, you rip just a little bit more at my soul. you twist the knife in my heart. you take just another bit of my being with you. does it not bother you at all? you walk so nonchalantly away from our friendship like it's nothing. has my being become so meaningless to you that i'm just one more person to fill a room until you can find someone better to replace me? does it not bother you that you no longer know any intimate details of my life? that i see you maybe twice outside of class in a week? that we're never alone together without long awkward silences? that i haven't even met him, let alone approve?
because it bothers me. and it bothers me more that it doesn't seem to bother you. i leave in less than a month. and quite frankly i think you couldn't care less.
"even my close friend in whom i trusted,
who ate my bread,
has lifted up his heel against me."
-- Psalm 41:9
"for it is not an enemy who reproaches me,
then i could bear it;
nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me,
then i could hide myself from him.
but it is you, a man my equal,
my companion and my familiar friend;
we who had sweet fellowship together
walked in the house of God in the throng."
-- Psalm 55:12-14
10.11.08
hmmm...
less than one month now...in fact, i'm about 28 days now from my beloved texas...
you know, i was thinking (it's shocking, i know), i was trying to figure out why i seem to go through these spurts wherein i'll be really devoted to writing fairly regularly, and then i'll go for like months with nothing...and i think i've discovered it: i think i like pretending to be profound. no, no, it's true...it's odd, the whole blogging concept. think about it, when we're kids, we hide our diaries. then we become teenagers (i say this because up until recently it was my generation doing the whole blogging thing, it was my generation that started the whole blogging fad, and, even now, most baby boomers don't and the ones that do generally have/had teens that blog... and, by the way, i find it amusing that spell-check is underlining "blog"...) anyways, then we become teenagers and it becomes cool to lay all your feelings out on the internet for everyone to read. guess it goes along with the whole emo thing. plus, it's even worse with girls; it becomes a place online to back-stab other girls and gossip and discuss others' business. stupid girls. i hate girls. have i mentioned that lately? i don't like girls. they annoy me...but alas, i digress. i promised myself this one wouldn't be a rant...
ahem, where was i? oh, yes. blogging. i cannot really bring myself to write on here like a diary. thus, this becomes pretty much one of two things for me. it's a place to vent (as you've seen recently), though i endeavor to leave names and specifics out so that only a select few would ever be able to distinguish my ramblings. and i try to make it clear that i'm not trying to gossip; i'm simply venting. and since i think it's safer in some cases not to vent to one friend about another, it seems this is a fairly legit place to ramble on about what annoys me. OR, this is my place to discuss the sitcom that is my life. nothing particularly personal, just random moments that prove to me on a daily basis that God has a sense of humor, generally in His dealings with me. because my life is a walking opportunity for God to laugh, so why not use that to make others laugh? and as long as i'm laughing too, that means you're laughing with me not at me, right?...
haha, like, okay, today, a friend of mine in one of my classes asked me if i dyed my hair or was naturally blond? hahaha...oh, as if that one wasn't obvious...that one was good. cracked me up. indeed, i'm naturally blond, and i generally prove it on a day-to-day basis...so, indeed, that would be the other reason for this, to share with you the moments in my life that will maybe make you smile, even if it is at my expense.
i think though, maybe even subconsciously, this whole blog thing might be some need to prove we're not insecure. think about it. i know i try to sound more intelligent and profound on here, despite the fact that i know no one really reads this, and the ones who do know me and know i'm not as cool as i like to pretend...on the other hand, i've always believed that i sound much more intelligent in writing than i do in person...this may not be an actual example of that though...
so, what was my purpose in writing this?
i don't actually know that i have one...i might just be avoiding homework...
speaking of homework, it's less than two weeks till thanksgiving break!!! yay! and i'm going home in less than a month now...i'm so excited!!
and, christmas is coming...
you know, i was thinking (it's shocking, i know), i was trying to figure out why i seem to go through these spurts wherein i'll be really devoted to writing fairly regularly, and then i'll go for like months with nothing...and i think i've discovered it: i think i like pretending to be profound. no, no, it's true...it's odd, the whole blogging concept. think about it, when we're kids, we hide our diaries. then we become teenagers (i say this because up until recently it was my generation doing the whole blogging thing, it was my generation that started the whole blogging fad, and, even now, most baby boomers don't and the ones that do generally have/had teens that blog... and, by the way, i find it amusing that spell-check is underlining "blog"...) anyways, then we become teenagers and it becomes cool to lay all your feelings out on the internet for everyone to read. guess it goes along with the whole emo thing. plus, it's even worse with girls; it becomes a place online to back-stab other girls and gossip and discuss others' business. stupid girls. i hate girls. have i mentioned that lately? i don't like girls. they annoy me...but alas, i digress. i promised myself this one wouldn't be a rant...
ahem, where was i? oh, yes. blogging. i cannot really bring myself to write on here like a diary. thus, this becomes pretty much one of two things for me. it's a place to vent (as you've seen recently), though i endeavor to leave names and specifics out so that only a select few would ever be able to distinguish my ramblings. and i try to make it clear that i'm not trying to gossip; i'm simply venting. and since i think it's safer in some cases not to vent to one friend about another, it seems this is a fairly legit place to ramble on about what annoys me. OR, this is my place to discuss the sitcom that is my life. nothing particularly personal, just random moments that prove to me on a daily basis that God has a sense of humor, generally in His dealings with me. because my life is a walking opportunity for God to laugh, so why not use that to make others laugh? and as long as i'm laughing too, that means you're laughing with me not at me, right?...
haha, like, okay, today, a friend of mine in one of my classes asked me if i dyed my hair or was naturally blond? hahaha...oh, as if that one wasn't obvious...that one was good. cracked me up. indeed, i'm naturally blond, and i generally prove it on a day-to-day basis...so, indeed, that would be the other reason for this, to share with you the moments in my life that will maybe make you smile, even if it is at my expense.
i think though, maybe even subconsciously, this whole blog thing might be some need to prove we're not insecure. think about it. i know i try to sound more intelligent and profound on here, despite the fact that i know no one really reads this, and the ones who do know me and know i'm not as cool as i like to pretend...on the other hand, i've always believed that i sound much more intelligent in writing than i do in person...this may not be an actual example of that though...
so, what was my purpose in writing this?
i don't actually know that i have one...i might just be avoiding homework...
speaking of homework, it's less than two weeks till thanksgiving break!!! yay! and i'm going home in less than a month now...i'm so excited!!
and, christmas is coming...
charlie brown: isn't there anyone who knows what christmas is all about?
linus: sure, charlie brown, i can tell you what christmas is all about. lights, please. "and there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. and lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. and the angel said unto them, 'fear not: for behold, i bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. for unto you is born this day in the city of david a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. and this shall be a sign unto you; ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' and suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'" that's what christmas is all about, charlie brown.
7.11.08
three posts in one week -- it's pretty intense...
so, i think i've probably been ranting a lot lately, but there's been a lot to rant about, so i don't really feel the need to apologize about it.
this will probably also be fairly pointed to those who've been around me for the last few months and even more so within the last few weeks, but i don't care. i think it needs to be said, and since i don't know how or where else to say it i'll put it on here. [[disclaimer: i'm not usually this negative; this is just a lot of build up that i need to release.]] besides, the main person i'm talking about will probably never read this anyway and if they do maybe they'll take the hint...
i've said it before; no doubt i'll say it again: i hate lying. with a passion. it's one of the few things you can do to get on my bad side almost permanently. not to say i don't forgive someone who lies to me, but even with forgiveness, if you've broken my trust -- which is what lying does -- it will probably take a while to build it back up. so, i hate lying. a lot. like, a lot, a lot. and i don't just hate lying, i hate perpetual lying that leads to more and more lies to cover up the original instead of just acknowledging the lie in the first place. i loathe it. i don't like being around liars. they annoy me.
and i have this friend. she's been warned before, even personally acknowledged the fact that she cannot lie to save her life. she's terrible at it. she can't pull it off. and that used to be a shining factor for her. she was innocently proud of the fact that she couldn't lie to us. and then something changed. i won't explain what happened, partly because i simply cannot follow the logic behind this lie, but mainly because she has yet to acknowledge the lie and confirm what myself as well as some other friends knew quite some time ago to be the truth. she chose, as best we can imagine, to lie to cover up a problem she was having. we think the "logic" (and i use the term loosely) behind the first idea to lie came from this need she has to not disappoint us. she overlooked a small factor. (actually, she overlooked several factors.) in her attempt to not disappoint her friends, she was/is sinning and therefore disappointing God, Someone of far greater importance than her earthly peers. besides that, she has disappointed us far more by lying and continuing to lie to us.
the story gets worse though, because her lie wasn't just some simple cover up of a one-time event. it is a continual cover up of a problem she is still trying to deal with and has yet to overcome. and the lie isn't just to us, it's to everyone -- her best friends, her parents, the rest of her family, etc. and from this lie has spawned multiple other smaller lies, covering up the original. plus, the problem has continued to grow because she has not allowed others to rally around her and help her through this issue, she's continued to live a lie and pretend the problem does not exist. this has led the original issue to worsen, as well as compounded issues to the original problem.
i said she was not a good liar. she has not improved. the web she's spun has many holes, whether she realizes it or not. and she's not good at dealing with problems in general, let alone a constant deception. it's actually caused health problems. her tendency with anything is to ignore it, pretend it doesn't exist, until she pushes it far enough into the back of her mind that she can go on like it doesn't exist, all the while not realizing that it is eating away at her from the inside out like a cancer out of control. and that's exactly what it's doing. she's sick constantly. she's managed to push away all her friends and anger them enough that they don't particularly like being around her. she has a constant attitude; she's on an extremely short fuse, constantly angry at the people who have done nothing but continue to love her despite the fact that she is constantly stabbing them in the face and stepping on their hearts. she has secluded and hermitted herself, avoiding the people seeking her out to love. she's seeking out a dangerous relationship that's not right for her, and she knows it. she's not putting effort into school, and lying about that too.
but most noticeable and certainly most important, she's fallen spiritually. all her close friends have now noticed it and are concerned. not only is she not spiritually where she was a year ago, she's moved backwards, gossiping, envying, cussing, and extremely self-conscious for no apparent reason. she's never been extremely out there with her behaviors, able to shrug off public opinion, but she was able to be comfortable in the fact that her friends loved her and, more importantly, God loves her. now, she's constantly held back by what others will think and what they might say about her. who the freakin heck cares what other people think?? how proud and self-involved do you have to be to actually try to avoid being seen in public with the people who've put up with an awful lot of crap from you and, further, tell them that you don't like them as much as another person. in all seriousness. you know what? i'm tired of your stupid b.s. i've been through a lot this semester and you weren't there for me. i've been nothing but there for you, even when all you do is lash out at me, hurt me, and use me as some thing for you to take out your frustrations with yourself on. and you know dang well i needed you this semester. this has been the hardest dang semester of my life and i had to go through it without the one person who was supposed to be my absolute best friend. some "friend" you turned out to be. you might consider rereading that definition. while you're at it, look up loyalty, love, and honesty.
if you do happen to read this, you know who you are. this is not intended to be a break up or a lash out against you. if anything, it should be a reality check, and you might should consider taking it seriously and talking to us, cause the facts haven't changed -- you're still not a good liar. we knew by about two weeks into the semester exactly what all had happened. and the thing that disappointed us most and continues to disappoint us was not and never will be what you lied to cover up. it's merely the fact that you lied and have continued to lie about it, despite the blatant hints that we know. think about that alright. while you're sitting there reading this growing absolutely infuriated, consider this: we've been nothing but kind and understanding to you, giving you every opportunity to confess it yourself, but do you realize what it felt like every time you looked me in the eye and lied to me? and i knew it. every time. you were just twisting the knife. and you have the audacity to be mad at me for writing this? no one except the people immediately involved will have any idea who i'm talking about, but on the off chance that you read this, i want you to know, i'm still willing to listen if you're willing to talk. but you should know that it will be a long time before i can trust you again. and so that you know this too, just because i know the truth does not excuse you from the confession. for your own sake you need to get that crap off your chest. and i won't be able to start learning to trust you again until you do.
and i'm not even sure if i'll post this. i just needed to get it out there, out of my head. cause constantly being around someone who's continually stabbing my back is making me physically sick. and i think having this in writing might help. you probably won't ever see this anyway. maybe you will. i dunno. i'll leave it in God's hands now. and i'm still praying for you. because i miss my friend. but you're no longer the person i sought out as a close friend. you're just someone else i know. and you're definitely not who i'd seek out to make a close friend now.
cause you know what, this semester has been hell for me, and you haven't helped make it any less that.
this will probably also be fairly pointed to those who've been around me for the last few months and even more so within the last few weeks, but i don't care. i think it needs to be said, and since i don't know how or where else to say it i'll put it on here. [[disclaimer: i'm not usually this negative; this is just a lot of build up that i need to release.]] besides, the main person i'm talking about will probably never read this anyway and if they do maybe they'll take the hint...
i've said it before; no doubt i'll say it again: i hate lying. with a passion. it's one of the few things you can do to get on my bad side almost permanently. not to say i don't forgive someone who lies to me, but even with forgiveness, if you've broken my trust -- which is what lying does -- it will probably take a while to build it back up. so, i hate lying. a lot. like, a lot, a lot. and i don't just hate lying, i hate perpetual lying that leads to more and more lies to cover up the original instead of just acknowledging the lie in the first place. i loathe it. i don't like being around liars. they annoy me.
and i have this friend. she's been warned before, even personally acknowledged the fact that she cannot lie to save her life. she's terrible at it. she can't pull it off. and that used to be a shining factor for her. she was innocently proud of the fact that she couldn't lie to us. and then something changed. i won't explain what happened, partly because i simply cannot follow the logic behind this lie, but mainly because she has yet to acknowledge the lie and confirm what myself as well as some other friends knew quite some time ago to be the truth. she chose, as best we can imagine, to lie to cover up a problem she was having. we think the "logic" (and i use the term loosely) behind the first idea to lie came from this need she has to not disappoint us. she overlooked a small factor. (actually, she overlooked several factors.) in her attempt to not disappoint her friends, she was/is sinning and therefore disappointing God, Someone of far greater importance than her earthly peers. besides that, she has disappointed us far more by lying and continuing to lie to us.
the story gets worse though, because her lie wasn't just some simple cover up of a one-time event. it is a continual cover up of a problem she is still trying to deal with and has yet to overcome. and the lie isn't just to us, it's to everyone -- her best friends, her parents, the rest of her family, etc. and from this lie has spawned multiple other smaller lies, covering up the original. plus, the problem has continued to grow because she has not allowed others to rally around her and help her through this issue, she's continued to live a lie and pretend the problem does not exist. this has led the original issue to worsen, as well as compounded issues to the original problem.
i said she was not a good liar. she has not improved. the web she's spun has many holes, whether she realizes it or not. and she's not good at dealing with problems in general, let alone a constant deception. it's actually caused health problems. her tendency with anything is to ignore it, pretend it doesn't exist, until she pushes it far enough into the back of her mind that she can go on like it doesn't exist, all the while not realizing that it is eating away at her from the inside out like a cancer out of control. and that's exactly what it's doing. she's sick constantly. she's managed to push away all her friends and anger them enough that they don't particularly like being around her. she has a constant attitude; she's on an extremely short fuse, constantly angry at the people who have done nothing but continue to love her despite the fact that she is constantly stabbing them in the face and stepping on their hearts. she has secluded and hermitted herself, avoiding the people seeking her out to love. she's seeking out a dangerous relationship that's not right for her, and she knows it. she's not putting effort into school, and lying about that too.
but most noticeable and certainly most important, she's fallen spiritually. all her close friends have now noticed it and are concerned. not only is she not spiritually where she was a year ago, she's moved backwards, gossiping, envying, cussing, and extremely self-conscious for no apparent reason. she's never been extremely out there with her behaviors, able to shrug off public opinion, but she was able to be comfortable in the fact that her friends loved her and, more importantly, God loves her. now, she's constantly held back by what others will think and what they might say about her. who the freakin heck cares what other people think?? how proud and self-involved do you have to be to actually try to avoid being seen in public with the people who've put up with an awful lot of crap from you and, further, tell them that you don't like them as much as another person. in all seriousness. you know what? i'm tired of your stupid b.s. i've been through a lot this semester and you weren't there for me. i've been nothing but there for you, even when all you do is lash out at me, hurt me, and use me as some thing for you to take out your frustrations with yourself on. and you know dang well i needed you this semester. this has been the hardest dang semester of my life and i had to go through it without the one person who was supposed to be my absolute best friend. some "friend" you turned out to be. you might consider rereading that definition. while you're at it, look up loyalty, love, and honesty.
if you do happen to read this, you know who you are. this is not intended to be a break up or a lash out against you. if anything, it should be a reality check, and you might should consider taking it seriously and talking to us, cause the facts haven't changed -- you're still not a good liar. we knew by about two weeks into the semester exactly what all had happened. and the thing that disappointed us most and continues to disappoint us was not and never will be what you lied to cover up. it's merely the fact that you lied and have continued to lie about it, despite the blatant hints that we know. think about that alright. while you're sitting there reading this growing absolutely infuriated, consider this: we've been nothing but kind and understanding to you, giving you every opportunity to confess it yourself, but do you realize what it felt like every time you looked me in the eye and lied to me? and i knew it. every time. you were just twisting the knife. and you have the audacity to be mad at me for writing this? no one except the people immediately involved will have any idea who i'm talking about, but on the off chance that you read this, i want you to know, i'm still willing to listen if you're willing to talk. but you should know that it will be a long time before i can trust you again. and so that you know this too, just because i know the truth does not excuse you from the confession. for your own sake you need to get that crap off your chest. and i won't be able to start learning to trust you again until you do.
and i'm not even sure if i'll post this. i just needed to get it out there, out of my head. cause constantly being around someone who's continually stabbing my back is making me physically sick. and i think having this in writing might help. you probably won't ever see this anyway. maybe you will. i dunno. i'll leave it in God's hands now. and i'm still praying for you. because i miss my friend. but you're no longer the person i sought out as a close friend. you're just someone else i know. and you're definitely not who i'd seek out to make a close friend now.
cause you know what, this semester has been hell for me, and you haven't helped make it any less that.
He who practices deceit shall not dwell within my house;
He who speaks falsehood shall not maintain his position before me.
-- Psalm 101:7
5.11.08
i should be doing homework
so, apparently christians have forgotten their place. no wonder the world calls us hypocrites. do you know, i attend a fairly conservative (at the moment), evangelical university, and i have personally witnessed some of the worst belly-aching and bad attitudes on this campus by so-called christians i've ever seen. i'm reminded of this early-nineties christian song by twila paris called "God is in control"...(haha, i just heard the tune in my head and it's so nineties it cracks me up...) seriously, i think some people, though they would never put it in these exact terms, are acting like God was sitting up in heaven last night when the election was called going, "what?! wait, what??!! but i thought...no, surely not...huh. wasn't expecting that one...but, i was sure liberty was going to manage to pull in enough mccain votes for the entire country...ok, well...michael! can you bring me that scroll? the one that says "ultimate plan" in big block letters at the top? i'm gonna have to pencil in a few changes..." seriously? God was not surprised. He put obama in power -- that's right, HE put obama in power -- for a reason. His plan has not changed. some people need to take a chill pill, step back, and realize that God is still in control, regardless of whether their political affiliation is. one shouldn't be so arrogant as to assume that their way is the only way and when that doesn't happen the world will somehow implode. and for all the people out there claiming they'll move to another country, go ahead. the democrats won't care. in fact, it would probably just make it easier for them...
there are a few things i do find of interest though. first off, i find it somewhat ironic that fifty years ago, obama would have been prosecuted as a red, not haled as a hero of "change". my how times have changed that people openly welcome socialism and basic communistic principles as some kind of constructive revolution. but then, every generation must learn some lessons for themselves and my generation seems to have yet to learn much of anything. we shall soon see, i suppose. second off, i didn't realize this till a friend pointed it out today: how does a guy get to run in a presidential election when they have yet to prove he is even an american citizen?? yes, that's right, he will not release his birth records. (nor will he release his law practicing records for anything previous his election as senator, which is another equally interesting story -- how does no one find that at all suspicious?? but then, the media, being so enamored by him, doesn't seem to report anything about him that might lead one to suspicions of his trustworthiness, no matter how justified those suspicions may be...) so, it's not like the secret service or the fbi or somebody won't ever be able to get a hold of those. in fact, it is strictly against the constitution that he be allowed to be sworn in without solid proof of his birthplace, which means there's still a strange chance that he might in fact be removed from eligibility and not become president. also, so i noticed that there's a dramatic difference between his live appearance and something his campaign puts out -- they darken his skin color for commercials. that man is almost as pale as i am, and honey, i'm pasty. are ya kidding me? anybody who plays the race card in my book does not deserve respect. and quite frankly, if you voted against OR FOR obama because he is black, you are just as racist as someone burning a cross in a black family's yard. race has nothing to do with it. you vote based on political stance -- race and gender are not part of the equation. finally, the economy does not seem to bode well of this. the day after his election, the stock marked plunges, what does that tell you? well, it certainly doesn't seem to be a good omen...
more importantly though, america needs to get over this split. there's little he could accomplish in the next four years that will absolutely destroy america. and there were several good turn outs in the background of the presidential race. prop 8 was passed in ca, in fact the entire west coast had a pretty close presidential race. they almost had to change oregon and ca over for a bit. it seems at the moment as though the country is split down the middle, and it becomes obama's job to reunite the country. get over it -- you won or lost, now move on. if he does terrible, change congress in two years and it will make more of a difference than anything else.
and now is the time for christians to step up, not lay down. remember that whole constant joy, unconditional love thing? yeah, use it. God puts people in power, not us. He is the one in control, not us. and His will is what's perfect, not ours. so, for some reason unexplainable to christian conservatives, God put obama in power. now render to caesar and serve your ruler. respect the president even if you disagree. you respect the position even when you don't respect the person, and understand that when you don't respect the authority of the presidency, you're not as much disrespecting the president as you are the One who put him there, God. live what you claim you believe and maybe open the bible every once in a while. cause i gotta tell you, i've read the end of the book. this isn't a surprise. and anyone who follows christian history can tell you, christianity only ever really prospers under persecution. it's been a while here in america. maybe God's sending a wake up call...
on a completely separate note: i can't wait for christmas!!
there are a few things i do find of interest though. first off, i find it somewhat ironic that fifty years ago, obama would have been prosecuted as a red, not haled as a hero of "change". my how times have changed that people openly welcome socialism and basic communistic principles as some kind of constructive revolution. but then, every generation must learn some lessons for themselves and my generation seems to have yet to learn much of anything. we shall soon see, i suppose. second off, i didn't realize this till a friend pointed it out today: how does a guy get to run in a presidential election when they have yet to prove he is even an american citizen?? yes, that's right, he will not release his birth records. (nor will he release his law practicing records for anything previous his election as senator, which is another equally interesting story -- how does no one find that at all suspicious?? but then, the media, being so enamored by him, doesn't seem to report anything about him that might lead one to suspicions of his trustworthiness, no matter how justified those suspicions may be...) so, it's not like the secret service or the fbi or somebody won't ever be able to get a hold of those. in fact, it is strictly against the constitution that he be allowed to be sworn in without solid proof of his birthplace, which means there's still a strange chance that he might in fact be removed from eligibility and not become president. also, so i noticed that there's a dramatic difference between his live appearance and something his campaign puts out -- they darken his skin color for commercials. that man is almost as pale as i am, and honey, i'm pasty. are ya kidding me? anybody who plays the race card in my book does not deserve respect. and quite frankly, if you voted against OR FOR obama because he is black, you are just as racist as someone burning a cross in a black family's yard. race has nothing to do with it. you vote based on political stance -- race and gender are not part of the equation. finally, the economy does not seem to bode well of this. the day after his election, the stock marked plunges, what does that tell you? well, it certainly doesn't seem to be a good omen...
more importantly though, america needs to get over this split. there's little he could accomplish in the next four years that will absolutely destroy america. and there were several good turn outs in the background of the presidential race. prop 8 was passed in ca, in fact the entire west coast had a pretty close presidential race. they almost had to change oregon and ca over for a bit. it seems at the moment as though the country is split down the middle, and it becomes obama's job to reunite the country. get over it -- you won or lost, now move on. if he does terrible, change congress in two years and it will make more of a difference than anything else.
and now is the time for christians to step up, not lay down. remember that whole constant joy, unconditional love thing? yeah, use it. God puts people in power, not us. He is the one in control, not us. and His will is what's perfect, not ours. so, for some reason unexplainable to christian conservatives, God put obama in power. now render to caesar and serve your ruler. respect the president even if you disagree. you respect the position even when you don't respect the person, and understand that when you don't respect the authority of the presidency, you're not as much disrespecting the president as you are the One who put him there, God. live what you claim you believe and maybe open the bible every once in a while. cause i gotta tell you, i've read the end of the book. this isn't a surprise. and anyone who follows christian history can tell you, christianity only ever really prospers under persecution. it's been a while here in america. maybe God's sending a wake up call...
on a completely separate note: i can't wait for christmas!!
just hear those sleigh bells jingling,
ring ting tingling too
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you
outside the snow is falling
and friends are calling "yoo hoo",
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you.
just hear those sleigh bells jingling,
ring ting tingling too
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you
outside the snow is falling
and friends are calling "yoo hoo",
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you.
giddy yap, giddy yap, giddy yap,
let's go, let's look at the show,
we're riding in a wonderland of snow.
giddy yap, giddy yap, giddy yap,
it's grand, just holding your hand,
we're gliding along with a song
of a wintry fairy land
our cheeks are nice and rosy
and comfy cozy are we
we're snuggled up together
like two birds of a feather would be
let's take that road before us
and sing a chorus or two
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you.
giddy yap, giddy yap, giddy yap,
let's go, let's look at the show,
we're riding in a wonderland of snow.
giddy yap, giddy yap, giddy yap,
it's grand, just holding your hand,
we're gliding along with a song
of a wintry fairy land
just hear those sleigh bells jingling,
ring ting tingling too
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you
outside the snow is falling
and friends are calling "yoo hoo",
come on, it's lovely weather
for a sleigh ride together with you.
it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you.
oh yeah, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you...
-- relient k: sleigh ride
3.11.08
the irony
so, i'm absolutely disgusted by politics and america and the like at the moment. i'm tired of listening to convo speakers tell me how to vote and people bicker over small, insignificant political agendas that will never really matter that much anyways. this is a rant. i don't wanna hear back about how i should be more bipartisan or understanding or (my personal favorite) "tolerant" of people who will never tolerate my beliefs. if you disagree, go write your own blog, and don't expect me to care or read it. this is my rant, and if you don't like it, click the little back button and go google something else. you've been warned.
i'm so sick of politics. i hate it. none of the so called changes proposed are actually the problem anyway. and for the record, i challenge anyone to give me convincing statistics that will prove that an actual significant percentage of america is EVER persuaded by debates (both formal and lunchroom) or worse convocation speakers! it's ridiculous. no one cares what your opinion is because no one listens to anyone else speak. that is proved merely by those already in power -- on BOTH sides!! don't misunderstand me, i hate hitler and everything he stood/stands for, but i really do think he said it best:
it's sooo flipping true. i'll be outright, i'm a mccain supporter (technically), though i'll also admit i disagree with him on a number of things and find him only to be the lesser of two evils. now, i understand that the words politician and liar generally go hand in hand. i know they all lie; this should come as no shock. but obama takes lying to the next level. i mean honestly, i disagree with most of the democratic stance on politics, but at least i can respect the ones who take a firm stand for their liberal beliefs. that's not necessarily a bad thing; you're entitled to your opinion. but i hate lying, particularly constant lying. i'm absolutely disgusted by how wishy-washy obama has been. i simply cannot respect the man. seriously? is the public opinion so important that you say six different things you "unwaveringly believe" to six different crowds, all of which contradict each other?? besides the fact that anyone with half a brain -- that will actually use it -- should know that most of what presidential candidates promise is never actually within their power. you want things to change? change congress. but realize congress rarely agrees long enough and works long enough for things to actually happen. you want environmental changes? that's all congress. you want gun control? that's all congress. you wanna change abortion laws? congress. i love the way dr fowler put it this morning; political elections in america have become nothing more than billion dollar pep rallies and popularity contests. meanwhile there's mass genocide in darfur and mass starvation in india. but we, the elite, sophisticated, educated, power-house of a country sit and debate and philosophize about how to solve these great problems over coffee at the country club, spending more money on the letters that follow our name than we manage to drop in the salvation army donation bucket outside walmart. yes, indeed. we really have risen to become the cream of the crop.
our forefathers would be ashamed.
now, i firmly believe in voting. i believe we see even through scripture that we are to exercise that right, to vote our biblical convictions and pray for the leaders of our country:
but notice that Christ says caesar, not republican or democrat. and caesar was definitely not in line with jewish beliefs or persuasions. so, then, vote what you're sure to be the right path morally and ethically, and for heaven's sake, pray for the election. but know that above all, it's in God's hands. and stop peddling your beliefs to people who neither care nor are listening...
and remember, despite whoever may win tomorrow, God is still in control -- even if YOU aren't. tomorrow's outcome won't shock God at all.
i'm so sick of politics. i hate it. none of the so called changes proposed are actually the problem anyway. and for the record, i challenge anyone to give me convincing statistics that will prove that an actual significant percentage of america is EVER persuaded by debates (both formal and lunchroom) or worse convocation speakers! it's ridiculous. no one cares what your opinion is because no one listens to anyone else speak. that is proved merely by those already in power -- on BOTH sides!! don't misunderstand me, i hate hitler and everything he stood/stands for, but i really do think he said it best:
"what good fortune for those in power that people do not think."
it's sooo flipping true. i'll be outright, i'm a mccain supporter (technically), though i'll also admit i disagree with him on a number of things and find him only to be the lesser of two evils. now, i understand that the words politician and liar generally go hand in hand. i know they all lie; this should come as no shock. but obama takes lying to the next level. i mean honestly, i disagree with most of the democratic stance on politics, but at least i can respect the ones who take a firm stand for their liberal beliefs. that's not necessarily a bad thing; you're entitled to your opinion. but i hate lying, particularly constant lying. i'm absolutely disgusted by how wishy-washy obama has been. i simply cannot respect the man. seriously? is the public opinion so important that you say six different things you "unwaveringly believe" to six different crowds, all of which contradict each other?? besides the fact that anyone with half a brain -- that will actually use it -- should know that most of what presidential candidates promise is never actually within their power. you want things to change? change congress. but realize congress rarely agrees long enough and works long enough for things to actually happen. you want environmental changes? that's all congress. you want gun control? that's all congress. you wanna change abortion laws? congress. i love the way dr fowler put it this morning; political elections in america have become nothing more than billion dollar pep rallies and popularity contests. meanwhile there's mass genocide in darfur and mass starvation in india. but we, the elite, sophisticated, educated, power-house of a country sit and debate and philosophize about how to solve these great problems over coffee at the country club, spending more money on the letters that follow our name than we manage to drop in the salvation army donation bucket outside walmart. yes, indeed. we really have risen to become the cream of the crop.
our forefathers would be ashamed.
now, i firmly believe in voting. i believe we see even through scripture that we are to exercise that right, to vote our biblical convictions and pray for the leaders of our country:
"Then He said to them, 'Then render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's; and to God the things that are God's.'"
-- Matthew 22:21
but notice that Christ says caesar, not republican or democrat. and caesar was definitely not in line with jewish beliefs or persuasions. so, then, vote what you're sure to be the right path morally and ethically, and for heaven's sake, pray for the election. but know that above all, it's in God's hands. and stop peddling your beliefs to people who neither care nor are listening...
and remember, despite whoever may win tomorrow, God is still in control -- even if YOU aren't. tomorrow's outcome won't shock God at all.
"Counsel is mine and sound wisdom;
I am understanding, power is mine.
By me kings reign,
And rulers decree justice.
By me princes rule, and nobles,
All who judge rightly."
-- Proverbs 8:14-16
"Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same; for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil. Therefore it is necessary to be in subjection, not only because of wrath, but also for conscience' sake. For because of this you also pay taxes, for rulers are servants of God, devoting themselves to this very thing. Render to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor."
-- Romans 13:1-7
"Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men."
-- 1Peter 2:13-15
31.10.08
less than 40 days...
well, again, it's been a while...probably like a month or something, i didn't check.
it's been a long month. and yet, it seems like the weeks are flying by...it's odd. the leaves have already started to change, the weather's been freakishly cold lately, and tomorrow begins officially the christmas season...and i'm so excited! i love christmas! it's my favorite time of the year...the sounds, the smells, the cheery people (and some not so cheery) christmas shopping, the pretty lights on all the houses, christmas on the mountain with christmas convo and coffeehouse and open dorms, flying home and seeing all the soldiers in the airports on holiday leave...it's just the best! and i can't believe it's so close...it freaks me out. less than forty days and i'll be a college graduate. i can remember how terrified i was the night before i was supposed to leave to drive up here...i couldn't begin to imagine being this close to graduating...and then i blinked. and now it's three and a half years later and i'm just over a month from being done. and yet...
it seems like an eternity. not to graduation, that's close. from the beginning of the semester. i knew coming into it, this would be my hardest semester, academically speaking. i didn't figure i'd be that homesick, since i knew this would be the end. and i knew it would be hard to say goodbye to my friends. and that will be hard. but i wasn't anticipating the strain this semester would put on me from home. that was a low blow.
it's funny how sometimes you have this one defining moment in time that everything else just revolves around. it's like time just stops, and, from that moment on, you just know -- nothing will be the same again. it may go back to "normal", but that moment has become this defining moment for your life, something you'll judge everything that happens against. and sometimes those defining moments are good: graduating high school, turning sixteen, your first real job, etc. but it seems our lives are best defined by those moments that challenge us. not those wherein we've reached a mountain top, but instead those wherein we are forced, not to look down at ourselves, but instead up to our Rescue. it seems most defining moments revolve around some kind of rock bottom, a helplessness that demands nothing less than every bit of our surrender to the only One Who's arm is long enough to reach down into the whole we've fallen into and strong enough to pull us out.
it seems i've had my share of these moments. don't misunderstand me; i am by no means in a bad place, particularly not one i've created myself. i am blessed beyond measure. but my semester has been redefined by this moment God put into my life, a moment that begged nothing less than my absolute and total submission to God's will. and time stopped. and things will eventually go back to normal, but i doubt it will ever be the same. and that is what my semester has been defined by. my walk with God, my grades in class, my focus, my time with friends, my activities, my every moment; it has all been defined by this single point in time when my world collapsed around me and i was forced to face some of my worst fears and let go.
letting go. that's been a huge one this semester. transparency is hard for me, but if i'm going to be honest, that is one of the bigger lessons God has been teaching me these last few months -- He is bigger than and far more important than any earthly belonging i have or had or ever will have. and it scares me. and i don't really like dealing with it. in fact, it still causes me a slight pang, even to write. i lost pretty much everything. like, most all of my belongings. pretty much anything i didn't have with me (which was most of my stuff since i didn't bring much for my last semester) is gone, lost forever to that dadgum hurricane. and you know what, i can't change that. and you know, in the midst of my anger at God and my questioning His judgment, He had the audacity to love me. and then, to add insult to injury, He had my itunes shuffle start playing a song that inevitably brought me to tears...and it hit me: God is bigger than anything that hits me. and i haven't even got it the worse. i'm more blessed than a lot of people back home, let alone the impoverished world. and more than my material things, God is bigger than any storm i face.
and so here i am, month and a half later, still dealing. and at that not well. and just over a month left to go. and it hits me, all this stuff in the Bible seems to revolve around forty days. Jesus remained between ascension and resurrection forty days to get the ball ol' Petey dropped rolling again with His ministry and offer some instruction and encouragement. Further, Jesus was in the wilderness fasting, praying, and being tempted for forty days. But i think most applicable is that Noah sat in a boat full of seasick land-dwelling animals and grumpy shipmates for forty days, all the while riding out the biggest, baddest (and only) thunderstorm he'd ever seen or faced. so it seems logical then that if Noah can do it, so can i.
so here i am, with a God bigger than the storm i'm in behind me and nothing left to lose except my pride, forty days left to go in what has quickly become the longest and most draining semester of my life...
bring on the rain.
it's been a long month. and yet, it seems like the weeks are flying by...it's odd. the leaves have already started to change, the weather's been freakishly cold lately, and tomorrow begins officially the christmas season...and i'm so excited! i love christmas! it's my favorite time of the year...the sounds, the smells, the cheery people (and some not so cheery) christmas shopping, the pretty lights on all the houses, christmas on the mountain with christmas convo and coffeehouse and open dorms, flying home and seeing all the soldiers in the airports on holiday leave...it's just the best! and i can't believe it's so close...it freaks me out. less than forty days and i'll be a college graduate. i can remember how terrified i was the night before i was supposed to leave to drive up here...i couldn't begin to imagine being this close to graduating...and then i blinked. and now it's three and a half years later and i'm just over a month from being done. and yet...
it seems like an eternity. not to graduation, that's close. from the beginning of the semester. i knew coming into it, this would be my hardest semester, academically speaking. i didn't figure i'd be that homesick, since i knew this would be the end. and i knew it would be hard to say goodbye to my friends. and that will be hard. but i wasn't anticipating the strain this semester would put on me from home. that was a low blow.
it's funny how sometimes you have this one defining moment in time that everything else just revolves around. it's like time just stops, and, from that moment on, you just know -- nothing will be the same again. it may go back to "normal", but that moment has become this defining moment for your life, something you'll judge everything that happens against. and sometimes those defining moments are good: graduating high school, turning sixteen, your first real job, etc. but it seems our lives are best defined by those moments that challenge us. not those wherein we've reached a mountain top, but instead those wherein we are forced, not to look down at ourselves, but instead up to our Rescue. it seems most defining moments revolve around some kind of rock bottom, a helplessness that demands nothing less than every bit of our surrender to the only One Who's arm is long enough to reach down into the whole we've fallen into and strong enough to pull us out.
it seems i've had my share of these moments. don't misunderstand me; i am by no means in a bad place, particularly not one i've created myself. i am blessed beyond measure. but my semester has been redefined by this moment God put into my life, a moment that begged nothing less than my absolute and total submission to God's will. and time stopped. and things will eventually go back to normal, but i doubt it will ever be the same. and that is what my semester has been defined by. my walk with God, my grades in class, my focus, my time with friends, my activities, my every moment; it has all been defined by this single point in time when my world collapsed around me and i was forced to face some of my worst fears and let go.
letting go. that's been a huge one this semester. transparency is hard for me, but if i'm going to be honest, that is one of the bigger lessons God has been teaching me these last few months -- He is bigger than and far more important than any earthly belonging i have or had or ever will have. and it scares me. and i don't really like dealing with it. in fact, it still causes me a slight pang, even to write. i lost pretty much everything. like, most all of my belongings. pretty much anything i didn't have with me (which was most of my stuff since i didn't bring much for my last semester) is gone, lost forever to that dadgum hurricane. and you know what, i can't change that. and you know, in the midst of my anger at God and my questioning His judgment, He had the audacity to love me. and then, to add insult to injury, He had my itunes shuffle start playing a song that inevitably brought me to tears...and it hit me: God is bigger than anything that hits me. and i haven't even got it the worse. i'm more blessed than a lot of people back home, let alone the impoverished world. and more than my material things, God is bigger than any storm i face.
and so here i am, month and a half later, still dealing. and at that not well. and just over a month left to go. and it hits me, all this stuff in the Bible seems to revolve around forty days. Jesus remained between ascension and resurrection forty days to get the ball ol' Petey dropped rolling again with His ministry and offer some instruction and encouragement. Further, Jesus was in the wilderness fasting, praying, and being tempted for forty days. But i think most applicable is that Noah sat in a boat full of seasick land-dwelling animals and grumpy shipmates for forty days, all the while riding out the biggest, baddest (and only) thunderstorm he'd ever seen or faced. so it seems logical then that if Noah can do it, so can i.
so here i am, with a God bigger than the storm i'm in behind me and nothing left to lose except my pride, forty days left to go in what has quickly become the longest and most draining semester of my life...
bring on the rain.
God is bigger than
the air i breathe
the world we'll leave
God will save the day
and all will say
my Glorious
the world's shaking
with the love of God
Great and Glorious
let the whole earth sing
and all You ever do
is change the old for new
people, we believe that
God is bigger than
the air i breathe
the world we'll leave
God will save the day
and all will say
my Glorious
clouds are breaking
heaven's come to earth
hearts awakening
let the church bells ring
and all You ever do
is change the old for new
people, we believe that
God is bigger than
the air i breathe
the world we'll leave
and God will save the day
and all will say
my Glorious
my Glorious
my Glorious
my Glorious...
God is bigger than
the air i breathe
the world we'll leave
and God will save the day
and all will say
my Glorious
glory, glory
send Your glory
glory, glory
send Your glory...
-- Chris Tomlin: My Glorious
16.9.08
longest weekend of my life.
well, needless to say, a lot has happened. just in the last four days.
so there was this kid ike. decided to take a personal vendetta out on my family. it wasn't pretty. i don't know what we ever did to him, but i'm pretty sure "eye for an eye" was an understatement.
first and foremost, thanks to everyone who's been praying for my family and that whole neck of the woods. your prayers and words of encouragement have been invaluable. you will forever have a special place in our hearts, and i pray God repays your kindness with more blessings than you can ever possibly count.
on to the update of ike. i'll start at the beginning -- thursday-ish.
so, it became fairly clear by thursday morning that ike was heading for galveston. it also was fairly certain at this point that it would only really be a high two/low three when it made landfall. so, like most islanders and even experienced houstonians, my parents made the confident decision not to evacuate. if you're not from an area frequented by tropical storms and hurricanes, you probably think this is insanity. allow me to clarify, then. most coastals will tell you that there is really no need to evac for anything less than a strong three. this has always been our standing, is the stance of most islanders/houstonians, and until very recently has always been a fine decision. in an ordinary situation, a hurricane like ike, making landfall as a strong two would not have been a big deal. this is why they estimate about 40% of the island didn't evacuate. for most cat twos, it would never have been a big deal. most unfortunately, ike it seems was not particularly ordinary.
so that's thursday. my parents made an educated decision not to evac. too much hassle (my dad's on a concentrator 24/7, if you weren't aware), and it shouldn't be that big a deal; also understand that the media always exaggerates in these situations about how bad it's going to be. it's what they do best.
friday morning: ike is supposed to make landfall late that night. but during one of my classes i get this text from my mom, "we r going 2 grandmas. the water was getting too high." ((cause that's not gonna distract me for the rest of the day...)) on the island, we anticipate flooding. shoot, a small part of our downstairs gets water when it rains hard. thus, it should tell you that if they decided that the water was getting "too high" that early...well...it's not good news, that's for sure. so they camp out at my grandma's house in south houston. which is, quite frankly, a fine idea anyway, since my grandparents probably shouldn't be left alone in this kind of situation.
friday afternoon: i make the mistake of looking online at precursor pictures. note -- mistake. that freaked me out probably more than anything. waves were already splashing over the seawall. since i'm gonna assume most anyone, if anyone, who ever reads this is not an expert on galveston, or even Texas, history, i'll give ya the quick, condensed, not-quite-adequate version. in 1900, the biggest recorded natural disaster in our nation's history (if i'm not very much mistaken, including katrina) occurred -- on galveston island. to be perfectly honest, they never recovered. before the 1900 storm, they were known as the wall street of the west, surpassing even houston in their economic might and progressive advances in all kinds of areas. only the elite lived there. i say all that only to say that the topography at that time is not the same as it is/was friday. the 1900 storm was a cat 5 -- estimated bigger than katrina. worse, they shockingly didn't have doppler radar. the most the meteorologist could do is guess at the direction of the waves, the wind, and make some estimates based on what they were told by ships at sea. [[an aside, just some info for the back of your head, the sunset that night was legendary. there's no real way of "proving" it now of course, but one of the journalists wrote of an ominous, blood red sunset the night before the storm hit...]] at any rate, the island was leveled. literally. there are a handful of houses that remained that are today maintained by the historical foundation and honored as "1900 storm survivors". but it's a big deal. i've seen pictures. it was sick. there was practically nothing. [[another aside, the balinese room was one such place.]] when the island was leveled, part of the rebuild involved one of the greatest engineering feats of modern history -- they raised almost the entire island 15ft. i do say almost. understand that the west end, which is currently less beach front property as it is...houseboats....is at pretty much sea level. and they know they flood. why anyone would live there, let alone ride out a hurricane there is beyond me. you couldn't pay me...anyway, i said all of that to point out that majority of the island is now at about 15ft above sea level (a concept lost to new orleans), with probably a few random high pockets at most between 20 and 25ft. anyhoo, this is when the seawall was built. it's a concrete wall that runs along most of the island on the gulf side at a height of 15ft, with a slightly concaved in arc to allow for give from the water.
friday night: timing is everything. another bit of common knowledge to anyone along the coast but probably something lesser known to you landlocked losers. this time of year for us, due to lunar cycles and such, creates an extreme high tide. always happens around the equinoxes. fall is extreme high, spring is extreme low. from what i've read (although i don't know how accurate this info is) that means that during high tide, our tides are already between four and six feet higher than normal. (incidentally, this was part of the issue with the 1900 storm. it likewise came in during september's high tide, making landfall the 8-9th of this month 108 years ago.) knowing this, ike came in during high tide -- extreme high tide remember -- bringing a 15 ft storm surge. well, considering that the seawall itself is 15ft, that's not good news. add to that the rainfall, the wind, and the already overly high tide, and most of the island was underwater.
this brings us to saturday. there's really not much to say actually until sunday night. the most i can really say is that it's been a struggle. saturday and sunday were pretty much hell for me (and from what i understand the rest of my family), and even this morning really wasn't much better. the only really notable thing is the support my family has gotten. from the emails and messages and fb posts giving encouragement and support, to the many calls my dad has now received from fellow pastors and churches offering full support and help in any way the second we step back on the island, God has blessed us so much through all of you. and for that my family is eternally grateful. i can't even begin to explain how revolting and devastating it's been to see some of the pictures and stories that have come out. it's got to be one of the most unsettling feelings possible to not know whether your house is there or not. and that's what it's been for us and still is for most islanders. to not know whether i even have a house to go home to come christmas has been about the worst, most anxious, nervous, and unsettled feelings i've ever had to deal with. i spent most of yesterday somewhere between a numb effort to do homework and random, unexpected outbursts of tears. finally last night, after reasoning out some things with myself and crying about it to God for a while, i was reminded of campus church last spring. campus pastor johnnie moore did this whole big series on job. if you know anything about job, well, he was way worse off than me. so i figured if he could find the words to rejoice through his pain, surely i shouldn't be so arrogant as to think God doesn't currently deserve my worship. so i took job's words to heart,
this is by no means to be misconstrued as some courageous statement or even some "holier than thou" outlook i'm trying to piously portray. i am merely telling you what i chose to take comfort in, and i should add that although i can say that and even believe that, i was and am still a very long ways away from being able to thank God for putting me in this situation. the most i can honestly say at the moment is that i truly believe that nothing happens by accident and everything happens for a purpose. God's will is far superior to mine. from where i'm standing, this whole situation sucks. completely. i hate it. i think about it for long enough and it make me physically ill. but i'm not God. and i'm intelligent enough to realize that i don't see the big picture; He does. and i can't change it. fighting it would be foolish. i might as well accept it. everything i own -- including life itself -- is nothing but a gift from God. He gave it to me, therefore He can take it away at will. and i can question, but i may never in this life know why. and it's not my job to know. it is merely my job to understand that He is God. and i am not.
but i do have good news. this afternoon, noaa released satellite images of the island and the aftermath of ike. and, by the grace of God, my house is still standing. my church, my family's house, the house i'm moving into come december, the other house the church owns, our whole neighborhood -- it's still standing! and you have no idea how much of a weight that is off my chest. we know we have flood damage, but it seems to all still be standing with little to no structural damage. in fact, none of trees in our neighborhood are down, and most of the water has completely receded.
so, that's pretty much my update. this is by no means over. it'll be months. we're not even released to get back on the island yet and actually asses the damage. and while we were extraordinarily lucky, a good deal of the rest of the island was not. the balinese room i mentioned, is gone. wiped clean. the pier i worked on for several summers is gone. other historical landmarks are gone. i mentioned 40% of the island, it is estimated, did not evacuate; the death count is gonna be pretty high. there is no gas, no electricity, no water, and no phones throughout, not just the island, but a great deal of houston metro and the rest of the texas coast line. this is a huge blow to this part of the country and not just because people have lost their houses, but people are going to lose their jobs because the businesses are totally destroyed in certain areas. this is a huge economic disaster and that itself will take years to recover from.
but, please continue to pray for everyone down there. we need it. recovery will be long and slow, not to mention expensive.
oh, an interesting fact, i found the sunset friday night to be fairly intriguing, as well as ominous...
[[this picture was taken by daniel hatmaker. if you see this, daniel, and you want me to take it down, just say so.]]
so there was this kid ike. decided to take a personal vendetta out on my family. it wasn't pretty. i don't know what we ever did to him, but i'm pretty sure "eye for an eye" was an understatement.
first and foremost, thanks to everyone who's been praying for my family and that whole neck of the woods. your prayers and words of encouragement have been invaluable. you will forever have a special place in our hearts, and i pray God repays your kindness with more blessings than you can ever possibly count.
on to the update of ike. i'll start at the beginning -- thursday-ish.
so, it became fairly clear by thursday morning that ike was heading for galveston. it also was fairly certain at this point that it would only really be a high two/low three when it made landfall. so, like most islanders and even experienced houstonians, my parents made the confident decision not to evacuate. if you're not from an area frequented by tropical storms and hurricanes, you probably think this is insanity. allow me to clarify, then. most coastals will tell you that there is really no need to evac for anything less than a strong three. this has always been our standing, is the stance of most islanders/houstonians, and until very recently has always been a fine decision. in an ordinary situation, a hurricane like ike, making landfall as a strong two would not have been a big deal. this is why they estimate about 40% of the island didn't evacuate. for most cat twos, it would never have been a big deal. most unfortunately, ike it seems was not particularly ordinary.
so that's thursday. my parents made an educated decision not to evac. too much hassle (my dad's on a concentrator 24/7, if you weren't aware), and it shouldn't be that big a deal; also understand that the media always exaggerates in these situations about how bad it's going to be. it's what they do best.
friday morning: ike is supposed to make landfall late that night. but during one of my classes i get this text from my mom, "we r going 2 grandmas. the water was getting too high." ((cause that's not gonna distract me for the rest of the day...)) on the island, we anticipate flooding. shoot, a small part of our downstairs gets water when it rains hard. thus, it should tell you that if they decided that the water was getting "too high" that early...well...it's not good news, that's for sure. so they camp out at my grandma's house in south houston. which is, quite frankly, a fine idea anyway, since my grandparents probably shouldn't be left alone in this kind of situation.
friday afternoon: i make the mistake of looking online at precursor pictures. note -- mistake. that freaked me out probably more than anything. waves were already splashing over the seawall. since i'm gonna assume most anyone, if anyone, who ever reads this is not an expert on galveston, or even Texas, history, i'll give ya the quick, condensed, not-quite-adequate version. in 1900, the biggest recorded natural disaster in our nation's history (if i'm not very much mistaken, including katrina) occurred -- on galveston island. to be perfectly honest, they never recovered. before the 1900 storm, they were known as the wall street of the west, surpassing even houston in their economic might and progressive advances in all kinds of areas. only the elite lived there. i say all that only to say that the topography at that time is not the same as it is/was friday. the 1900 storm was a cat 5 -- estimated bigger than katrina. worse, they shockingly didn't have doppler radar. the most the meteorologist could do is guess at the direction of the waves, the wind, and make some estimates based on what they were told by ships at sea. [[an aside, just some info for the back of your head, the sunset that night was legendary. there's no real way of "proving" it now of course, but one of the journalists wrote of an ominous, blood red sunset the night before the storm hit...]] at any rate, the island was leveled. literally. there are a handful of houses that remained that are today maintained by the historical foundation and honored as "1900 storm survivors". but it's a big deal. i've seen pictures. it was sick. there was practically nothing. [[another aside, the balinese room was one such place.]] when the island was leveled, part of the rebuild involved one of the greatest engineering feats of modern history -- they raised almost the entire island 15ft. i do say almost. understand that the west end, which is currently less beach front property as it is...houseboats....is at pretty much sea level. and they know they flood. why anyone would live there, let alone ride out a hurricane there is beyond me. you couldn't pay me...anyway, i said all of that to point out that majority of the island is now at about 15ft above sea level (a concept lost to new orleans), with probably a few random high pockets at most between 20 and 25ft. anyhoo, this is when the seawall was built. it's a concrete wall that runs along most of the island on the gulf side at a height of 15ft, with a slightly concaved in arc to allow for give from the water.
friday night: timing is everything. another bit of common knowledge to anyone along the coast but probably something lesser known to you landlocked losers. this time of year for us, due to lunar cycles and such, creates an extreme high tide. always happens around the equinoxes. fall is extreme high, spring is extreme low. from what i've read (although i don't know how accurate this info is) that means that during high tide, our tides are already between four and six feet higher than normal. (incidentally, this was part of the issue with the 1900 storm. it likewise came in during september's high tide, making landfall the 8-9th of this month 108 years ago.) knowing this, ike came in during high tide -- extreme high tide remember -- bringing a 15 ft storm surge. well, considering that the seawall itself is 15ft, that's not good news. add to that the rainfall, the wind, and the already overly high tide, and most of the island was underwater.
this brings us to saturday. there's really not much to say actually until sunday night. the most i can really say is that it's been a struggle. saturday and sunday were pretty much hell for me (and from what i understand the rest of my family), and even this morning really wasn't much better. the only really notable thing is the support my family has gotten. from the emails and messages and fb posts giving encouragement and support, to the many calls my dad has now received from fellow pastors and churches offering full support and help in any way the second we step back on the island, God has blessed us so much through all of you. and for that my family is eternally grateful. i can't even begin to explain how revolting and devastating it's been to see some of the pictures and stories that have come out. it's got to be one of the most unsettling feelings possible to not know whether your house is there or not. and that's what it's been for us and still is for most islanders. to not know whether i even have a house to go home to come christmas has been about the worst, most anxious, nervous, and unsettled feelings i've ever had to deal with. i spent most of yesterday somewhere between a numb effort to do homework and random, unexpected outbursts of tears. finally last night, after reasoning out some things with myself and crying about it to God for a while, i was reminded of campus church last spring. campus pastor johnnie moore did this whole big series on job. if you know anything about job, well, he was way worse off than me. so i figured if he could find the words to rejoice through his pain, surely i shouldn't be so arrogant as to think God doesn't currently deserve my worship. so i took job's words to heart,
naked i came from my mother's womb,-- job 1:21
and naked i shall return there.
the Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
blessed be the name of the Lord.
this is by no means to be misconstrued as some courageous statement or even some "holier than thou" outlook i'm trying to piously portray. i am merely telling you what i chose to take comfort in, and i should add that although i can say that and even believe that, i was and am still a very long ways away from being able to thank God for putting me in this situation. the most i can honestly say at the moment is that i truly believe that nothing happens by accident and everything happens for a purpose. God's will is far superior to mine. from where i'm standing, this whole situation sucks. completely. i hate it. i think about it for long enough and it make me physically ill. but i'm not God. and i'm intelligent enough to realize that i don't see the big picture; He does. and i can't change it. fighting it would be foolish. i might as well accept it. everything i own -- including life itself -- is nothing but a gift from God. He gave it to me, therefore He can take it away at will. and i can question, but i may never in this life know why. and it's not my job to know. it is merely my job to understand that He is God. and i am not.
but i do have good news. this afternoon, noaa released satellite images of the island and the aftermath of ike. and, by the grace of God, my house is still standing. my church, my family's house, the house i'm moving into come december, the other house the church owns, our whole neighborhood -- it's still standing! and you have no idea how much of a weight that is off my chest. we know we have flood damage, but it seems to all still be standing with little to no structural damage. in fact, none of trees in our neighborhood are down, and most of the water has completely receded.
so, that's pretty much my update. this is by no means over. it'll be months. we're not even released to get back on the island yet and actually asses the damage. and while we were extraordinarily lucky, a good deal of the rest of the island was not. the balinese room i mentioned, is gone. wiped clean. the pier i worked on for several summers is gone. other historical landmarks are gone. i mentioned 40% of the island, it is estimated, did not evacuate; the death count is gonna be pretty high. there is no gas, no electricity, no water, and no phones throughout, not just the island, but a great deal of houston metro and the rest of the texas coast line. this is a huge blow to this part of the country and not just because people have lost their houses, but people are going to lose their jobs because the businesses are totally destroyed in certain areas. this is a huge economic disaster and that itself will take years to recover from.
but, please continue to pray for everyone down there. we need it. recovery will be long and slow, not to mention expensive.
oh, an interesting fact, i found the sunset friday night to be fairly intriguing, as well as ominous...
[[this picture was taken by daniel hatmaker. if you see this, daniel, and you want me to take it down, just say so.]]
4.9.08
because He is Holy, and i'm unworthy.
isaiah 6:1-8:
in the year that king uzziah died, i saw the Lord sitting on a throne, high and lifted up, and the train of His robe filled the temple. above it stood seraphim; each one had six wings: with two he covered his face, with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. and one cried to another and said:
"holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts;
the whole earth is full of His glory!"
and the posts of the door were shaken by the voice of him who cried out, and the house was filled with smoke.
so i said:
"woe is me, for i am undone!
because i am a man of unclean lips,
and i dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips;
for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts."
then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a live coal which he had taken with the tongs from the altar. and he touched my mouth with it, and said:
"behold, this has touched your lips;
your iniquity is taken away,
and your sin purged."
also i heard the voice of the Lord, saying:
"whom shall I send,
and who will go for Us?"
then i said, "here and i! send me."
if only we had that kind of reverence for our King. it is a lost concept, the art of worship. in a me-based society, we have changed the "heart of worship" in a way similar to the song. and we don't even realize it, the fact that it's not about us. we fake it -- one face sunday morning in church and another monday morning on the freeway. and what makes it so pathetic is we honestly have no idea how to even go about true reverence...
i think isaiah said it best: "woe is me!" have you ever thought about the fact that worship is approaching the throne of God? not in some cliche, casting crowns, hillsong united style "worship" song, approaching the throne. that's ridiculous. the fact is that when we truly go to worship God, we are approaching the throne of the Highest, most Powerful, Glorious, Pure, Righteous God, Creator of the Universe. and we, like isaiah should understand all that that implies. this is not a game. and when you approach the throne of God, you definitely shouldn't go with an attitude of , "oh, God loves me. He'll look past what i did at that party last friday...i love this song. it makes me feel so close to God..." we should get the isaiah attitude. it is a privilege to have the honor of approaching the throne of God for nothing more than to praise Him. and we should understand that it is extraordinarily foolish to approach the Most High with some sin hidden behind our back, like a four year old with cookie crumbs all over his face.
so, next sunday, when you're lifting your hands and you're all "into the moment" and getting your worship groove on, consider this: i'm sure none of us would consider isaiah at all unholy and probably far more worthy to approach God than any of us -- i mean, it's isaiah. and yet, when face to face with God, his reaction was one of fear, certain that his sin and unrighteousness would cause God to smite Him right then and there. how much more then should we purge ourselves before approaching God?! we who, on our way to church, let fly a word when someone cuts us off and nearly sends us into the afterlife.
at any rate, next time you sing about bowing before the King of kings, consider the attitude of isaiah and search your heart.
because He is Holy.
and we are unworthy.
i'll leave you with a song that always makes me think...
in the year that king uzziah died, i saw the Lord sitting on a throne, high and lifted up, and the train of His robe filled the temple. above it stood seraphim; each one had six wings: with two he covered his face, with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. and one cried to another and said:
"holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts;
the whole earth is full of His glory!"
and the posts of the door were shaken by the voice of him who cried out, and the house was filled with smoke.
so i said:
"woe is me, for i am undone!
because i am a man of unclean lips,
and i dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips;
for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts."
then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a live coal which he had taken with the tongs from the altar. and he touched my mouth with it, and said:
"behold, this has touched your lips;
your iniquity is taken away,
and your sin purged."
also i heard the voice of the Lord, saying:
"whom shall I send,
and who will go for Us?"
then i said, "here and i! send me."
if only we had that kind of reverence for our King. it is a lost concept, the art of worship. in a me-based society, we have changed the "heart of worship" in a way similar to the song. and we don't even realize it, the fact that it's not about us. we fake it -- one face sunday morning in church and another monday morning on the freeway. and what makes it so pathetic is we honestly have no idea how to even go about true reverence...
i think isaiah said it best: "woe is me!" have you ever thought about the fact that worship is approaching the throne of God? not in some cliche, casting crowns, hillsong united style "worship" song, approaching the throne. that's ridiculous. the fact is that when we truly go to worship God, we are approaching the throne of the Highest, most Powerful, Glorious, Pure, Righteous God, Creator of the Universe. and we, like isaiah should understand all that that implies. this is not a game. and when you approach the throne of God, you definitely shouldn't go with an attitude of , "oh, God loves me. He'll look past what i did at that party last friday...i love this song. it makes me feel so close to God..." we should get the isaiah attitude. it is a privilege to have the honor of approaching the throne of God for nothing more than to praise Him. and we should understand that it is extraordinarily foolish to approach the Most High with some sin hidden behind our back, like a four year old with cookie crumbs all over his face.
so, next sunday, when you're lifting your hands and you're all "into the moment" and getting your worship groove on, consider this: i'm sure none of us would consider isaiah at all unholy and probably far more worthy to approach God than any of us -- i mean, it's isaiah. and yet, when face to face with God, his reaction was one of fear, certain that his sin and unrighteousness would cause God to smite Him right then and there. how much more then should we purge ourselves before approaching God?! we who, on our way to church, let fly a word when someone cuts us off and nearly sends us into the afterlife.
at any rate, next time you sing about bowing before the King of kings, consider the attitude of isaiah and search your heart.
because He is Holy.
and we are unworthy.
i'll leave you with a song that always makes me think...
how deep the Father's love for us,
how vast beyond all measure
that He should give His only Son
to make a wretch His treasure
how great the pain of searing loss,
the Father turns His face away
as wounds which mar the chosen One,
bring many sons to glory
behold the Man upon a cross,
my sin upon His shoulders
ashamed i hear my mocking voice,
call out among the scoffers
it was my sin that held Him there
until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
i know that it is finished
i will not boast in anything
no gifts, no power, no wisdom
but i will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
why should i gain from His reward?
i cannot give an answer
but this i know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom.
why should i gain from His reward?
i cannot give an answer
but this i know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom.
but this i know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom.
"how deep the father's love for us" -- stuart townend
5.7.08
been a while...
so, it's been a while. six and a half months to be exact. i'm not so sure why. i've been busy. really busy. not so much during school. that was more just laziness. and it's not like i've ever been particularly consistent in writing these anyway. but i've been busy.
see, i was unaware when i volunteered for my post this summer quite how busy i would be. i haven't really had time to get a job, so my bank account has suffered. but it has been worth it. for the last couple of months i've gotten to act as the youth director at our church. i never fully appreciated how much work and stress there is involved with that job.
we went to camp last week. it was so much fun. and totally worth all the effort leading up to it. (i have a newfound respect for this position...) i think the kids learned a lot, and i know i did. at any rate, we sang several songs with really good messages, some of them i'd heard before and a couple i hadn't. (incidentally, the kids' favorite part about camp was also the music. our church is really traditional, so they had a lot of fun with a new, rock-worship style music.) anyway, the first set of lyrics are to a song i hadn't heard before, but really like the message of, and the second set are the lyrics to the song we sang every night and i have a video for. i'll try and get the video up here later...
see, i was unaware when i volunteered for my post this summer quite how busy i would be. i haven't really had time to get a job, so my bank account has suffered. but it has been worth it. for the last couple of months i've gotten to act as the youth director at our church. i never fully appreciated how much work and stress there is involved with that job.
we went to camp last week. it was so much fun. and totally worth all the effort leading up to it. (i have a newfound respect for this position...) i think the kids learned a lot, and i know i did. at any rate, we sang several songs with really good messages, some of them i'd heard before and a couple i hadn't. (incidentally, the kids' favorite part about camp was also the music. our church is really traditional, so they had a lot of fun with a new, rock-worship style music.) anyway, the first set of lyrics are to a song i hadn't heard before, but really like the message of, and the second set are the lyrics to the song we sang every night and i have a video for. i'll try and get the video up here later...
true love died:
come close listen to the story
about a love more faithful than the morning
the Father gave his only Son just to save us
the earth was shaking in the dark
all creation felt the Father's broken heart
tears were filling heaven's eyes
the day that true love died,
the day that true love died
when blood and water hit the ground
walls we couldn't move came crashing down
we were free and made alive
the day that true love died,
the day that true love died
search your heart you know you can't deny it
come on, lose your life just so you can find it
the Father gave his only son just to save us
the earth was shaking in the dark
all creation felt the Father's broken heart
tears were filling heaven's eyes
the day that true love died,
the day that true love died
when blood and water hit the ground
walls we couldn't move came crashing down
we were free and made alive
the day that true love died,
the day that true love died
now, Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
oh, He is alive
He rose again
when blood and water hit the ground
walls we couldn't move came crashing down
we were free and made alive
the day that true love died,
the day that true love died
come close listen to the story...
glory of it all:
at the start
He was there, He was there
in the end,
He’ll be there, He’ll be there
and after all our hands have wrought
He forgives
oh the glory of it all is:
He came here
for the rescue of us all
that we may live
for the glory of it all
for the glory of it all
all is lost
find Him there, find Him there
after night
dawn is there, dawn is there
after all falls apart
He repairs, He repairs
oh the glory of it all is:
He came here
for the rescue of us all
that we may live
for the glory of it all
is He came here
for redemption from the fall
that we may live
for the glory of it all
oh the glory of it all
the glory of it all
oh the glory of it all
after night
comes the light
dawn is here
dawn is here
it’s a new day
it’s a new day
everything will change
things will never be the same
we will never be the same
we will never be the same
we will never be the same
we will never be the same
oh the glory of it all is:
He came here
for the rescue of us all
that we may live
for the glory of it all
oh you are here
with redemption for us all
that we may live
for the glory of it all
for the glory of it all
oh the glory of it all
oh the glory of it all
everything will change
things will never be the same
we will never be the same
we will never be the same
we will never be the same
we will never be the same
we will never be the same
we will never be the same...
27.1.08
cry out to Jesus
"to everyone who's lost someone they love
long before it was their time
you feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye
and to all of the people with burdens and pains
keeping you back from your life
you believe that there's nothing and there is no one
who can make it right
there is hope for the helpless
rest for the weary
love for the broken heart
there is grace and forgiveness
mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
cry out to Jesus, cry out to Jesus"
-- third day: cry out to Jesus
hannah grace lucas
At just after 4pm today, Hannah Grace Lucas passed away. At seventeen days of age, she fought an amazing battle to overcome the odds of being delivered at only 25 weeks. Now, though, she is in the arms of Jesus.
Please continue to pray for her family as they deal with the loss of this precious little loved one.
Hannah Grace Lucas was born on January 10, weighing 15 ounces and measuring 11 inches in length.
Please continue to pray for her family as they deal with the loss of this precious little loved one.
Hannah Grace Lucas was born on January 10, weighing 15 ounces and measuring 11 inches in length.
"naked i came from my mother's womb, and naked i shall return there. the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. blessed be the name of the Lord!"
-- Job 1:21
26.1.08
...
i'm struggling with some personal stuff right now. i know it will all work out and i know i'll be ok, but i'm really struggling, so please pray for me.
thanks.
thanks.
15.1.08
everything.
this song has come to mean a lot to me over the last week or so, as i draw nearer the unknowns of graduation and "the real world", so i thought i'd share. i've had a lot of decisions to make recently, and some of my plans have changed. what's scarier, is that i'm fairly certain of the direction God's leading me in for the future and it is positively terrifying. but i love the message this song gives; it's comforting. no matter what, God is there, in the good and bad, in the known and unknown. and as long as He remains my everything, as terrifying and unknown as the future may be, i really can't go wrong...
song by tim hughes.
God in my living
there in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
there in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking
be my everything
be my everything
be my everything
be my everything
God in my hoping
there in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
there in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
be my everything
be my everything
be my everything
be my everything
Jesus everything
Jesus everything
Jesus everything
Jesus everything
Jesus everything...
song by tim hughes.
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